Spencer Pratt Quits “The Hills” to Take a Glamorous Job in Desktop Support

I mean come on now.  Seriously.  Which lever to I pull for the anvil to fall on my head?  Heidi and Spencer are continuing their prank on America by coming up with new and ridiculous stories, none of which I buy.  Not one.  I do want to go on record saying I don’t believe any […]

Man With Santa Pubes Beard Attacks Lifelike Q-Tip?

Oh wait, cancel the call to the police.  A life-like Q-Tip is actually one Ms Heidi Montag and the man with the Santa pubes beard is actual one Mr. Santa Pubes Pratt.  I was wondering why the paparazzi wasn’t doing anything?!  Heidi and Steve Sanders continued their “We’re Going to Burn in Hell One Day” […]

But Where are the Seagulls?

Fashion, put it all on me don’t you wanna see these clothes on me.  At first horrid glance, I assumed that Heidi and Spencer were filming a new and wonderful music video whilst on the beach in CA the other day.  Alas, they weren’t.  Spencer Pratt is trying to get Heidi Montag’s ass (which at […]

Douche Bags! They’re Just Like Us!

I’ve always wondered what it would be like to write creepy comic-strip jokes in the Sunday paper. A normal Sunday paper would never hire me, so I’ve decided to write my own “Hills Comic Strip.” Clearly I have a knack for cheesy jokes and, well, Heidi and Steve Sanders basically write this crap themselves. IBBB […]

Funny, This is What I Always Assumed Heidi’s Vaginastein Looked Like

These two can officially kill themselves. I am now giving them permission to do so. Heidi, her new chin, new boobs, new nose, and Steve Sanders filmed riveting scenes for upcoming episodes of this show they’re on. That show is called “The Hills.” Apparently it’s been on for a while. Whilst the two frolic on […]

I Now Pronounce You “Mr and Mrs. Santa Pubes.” You May Kiss Us Weekly.

Let me just say that I’ve probably taken 4 days off from the blog in the past 2 years. Of course, of course, I would take the day off when Heidi, her new chin, her new boobs, her new nose, her fake hair, would marry Spencer/Steve Sanders and his Santa pubes. Of course I would […]

And You Know That the Security Machine Beeped Every Time Heidi Walked Through!

Heidi and Steve Sanders were heading out of LAX to an unknown destination. I’m assuming they’re flying to Crested Butte so that they can cook up and eat Heidi’s horse for Thanksgiving just like the Pilgrims did in 1492. Perhaps my math is wrong. Anyway, I wonder how many times the security machine beeped when […]

They Don’t Even Bother Hiding the Script

Steve Sanders and Sandy Sanders enjoyed a wonder taco lunch on Sunset Boulevard in LA the other day while they also filmed “scenes” for The Hills. Holy Christ is this season ever going to end? I’m pretty sure I spotted the script sitting right there on their table and I’m 100% certain I spotted Stephanie […]

This Time Last Year: Heidi, the Fugly Mermaid

Happy Halloween and welcome back to everyones favorite lazy segment called “This Time Last Year.” This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world…this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I’m lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here’s what […]

Stop Teasing Us and Just Use the Gun Already!

First of all if you’re not going to play “Murder/Suicide” than I don’t want to see these pictures. Second of all, I don’t care why these pictures were actually taken…there is no part of me that believes that Heidi Montag can read more than 4 words (boobs, nose, chin, lips). Third of all, I’m waiting […]

And You Know the Homeless Are Like, “Eh, I’ll Pass Thanks”

Heidi and Steve Sanders are continuing on with their “We Help People” press tour. This time around they’re scooping mashed potatos and toilet water sundae’s (I’d assume) at the Union Rescue Mission House. I have a question. Why are Heidi and Steve Sanders wearing white gardening gloves WITH plastic gloves over their gardening gloves? They’re […]

You Know What? I Don’t Want to See the Slaughtered Cow on the Wall, Why Would I Want to See This?

Unless this is their obituary photo, I don’t want to see it. Heidi and Steve Sanders, from The Hills, are now hanging from the wall at Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant, “Cut.” It’s not as promising as it sounds. Their pictures are hanging there, not them themselves. Ugh. Better luck next time. Seriously the last thing I […]

Oh God, Where Do I Go With This One

Look, even I’m not going to make some dumb joke about these kids. IBBB does, in fact, have a heart….contrary to popular belief. I just think that these kids have already suffered enough. To have to sit there and pretend that they’re happy to see Heidi and Steve Sanders is just like adding salt to […]

When Did Spencer Start Dating Cindy McCain?

So is this Cindy McCain sub-storyline going to make it into future crapisodes of The Hills? Steve Sanders and Heidi Montard, who literally looks like a Q-tip, walked the gray carpet at the Pink Party in Santa Monica yesterday. Elyse Walker played host to the 4th Annual function that was held in Hangar 8 at […]

A Two-Headed Montag Monster…..and Heidi’s Mom is Suddenly the New Dina Lohan

I couldn’t decide on what to title this post so I combined them. I own this crap. I get to decide. Anyhills, my worst nightmare has come true (Siamese Montag sisters) at the same time my dream has come true (Darlene Montag is totally the new Dina Lohan!). It’s almost like Hills implosion for me. […]

Yes! We Finally Have a Strategy on How to Smoke Bin Landen Out of the Hole He’s Hiding in! Heidi and Spencer are Going to Iraq!

Please don’t stop the war yet! Just give it a little more time! Trust me, you’ll thank me later troops! Heidi and Spencer have surprisingly strayed away from Us Weekly and told Extra that Heidi plans on going over to the Middle East and “perform” for the troops. No joke. Haven’t these troops suffered enough? […]

Yay! A Heidi Spencer Murder Suicide?!

Alarming statistics show that those who own guns are 55% more likely to have an accidental deadly shooting in their own home than those who don’t own guns. Well if Heidi owns a gun and Spencer owns a gun, isn’t that like an over 100% chance that these two clowns are going to “accidentally” kill […]

An Olsen vs. Spencer Pratt? It’s like “Sophie’s Choice” for Me!

What does one do when their two favorite worlds collide? You first pray to your Santa and then you write a letter to your Jesus. That’s what I do and it always seems to provide me with a sense of peace. An indistinguishable Olsen and Spencer Pratt are getting into a bit of a faux-fight […]

Ebony and Retardory

Heidi Montard, who apparently is taking hairstyling tips from Dina Lohan, was not only showing her support (and horselike features) at the Boost Mobile Rock Corps concert at the Gibson Amphitheatre in CA the other night, but she also really showed her talent while on stage with 30 Rock’s Tracy Morgan. What a match made […]

Heidi’s Gun Won’t Slow Me Down!

You think I’m afraid of a little gunshot wound? I don’t think so, Heidi. According to In Touch Weekly, Heidi and Spencer have made some enemies and want to protect themselves so they stopped by Martin B Redding store in Culver City, CA about a week or so ago and purchased $10,000 worth of guns. […]