Paris Takes a Cab, World Implodes

After a night of partying at Teddy’s in Hollywood, Paris Hilton decided to try out what it’s like to be every other American and take a filthy cab home instead of driving her Mercedes into a guard rail on the freeway. Paris sorta looks like she doesn’t even want her skin toughing the seat, although […]

Nicole Richie to Burn in the Pits of Hell

On this scripted season of the reality show “The Simple Life” Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton will be working as camp counselors at many different Southern California camps. One of those camps will be a “fat camp” that helps kids overcome their weight issues in a very healthy way. That “way” will all come to […]

Paris Has Car Trouble, Stays Tanned

Sure everyone already knows that Paris had her Bentley towed away by the LAPD in front of The Standard Hotel after she was pulled over for speeding, driving without her headlights on, and a suspended license. Boring! For some reason I don’t feel bad when someone has their Bentley towed away. Bentley. BENTLEY! So, even […]

Paris is a Slutty Disney Character

At no point did I ever think that I would use “Paris Hilton” and “Disney” in the same sentence, unless of course I was reporting that Paris was caught having sex on Space Mountain. However, since that isn’t the case, Paris is officially a slutty/trashy Disney Character. Her and this Disney character share very similar […]

Is It Just Me or Is Nicole Richie Fat?

I actually would like to applaud Nicole Richie for doing her best “lollipop” impersonation. Wasn’t Nicole working on gaining weight? Maybe it’s the photos from “ParisExposed” of Nicole eating coke off of a plate that made her lose her appetite. Yeeeeah, I’ll go with that. Regardless of what type of lollipop head syndrome (LHS) that […]

Paris Rocks the Cameltoe

As Paris continues to shoot her new movie “The Hottie and The Nottie” she also continues to be oblivious of her obvious cameltoe. Now I may not have my own personal “lady business” but I would assume it has to be like having a wedgie, no? You totally know that it’s there and you need […]

Wanna Buy Paris’ Old Crap?

Do you want to call all of Paris Hilton’s celebrity friends? All you need to do is buy her old cell phone. Wanna see Paris bumping uglies with guys and gals? All you need to do is buy her personal sex-tapes. It really is that easy my friends. So check this out, a new website: […]

Paris Sprouts Spray Tanned Boobs

Ever heard the old saying, “Every time a reality star sprouts spray tanned boobs an angel gets its wings?” It’s a VERY old saying so you may not have heard it before. Paris is on the set of her upcoming (direct to DVD) movie “The Hottie and the Nottie.” Get used to hearing the title […]

The Hilton Sisters Are Skanks, Pass It On

Hey sluts, keep your legs closed, no? The Hilton Sluts were having a little fun at the playboy mansion and then really steamed things up in the limo afterwards. So here’s my issue. Two girls drunk, cool. Two girls who are sisters and drunk, cooler. One of them looking like a dude in drag, not […]

Will Anyone Host the Billboard Awards?

First it was supposed to be Britney and Paris hosting the Billboard Music Awards. Then Britney backed out. Now Paris has backed out of the hosting duties as she believes that some of the jokes would be hurtful to her peers. According to People Magazine Paris did not want to say anything that could be […]

Paris Hypnotizes, Wears Fright Wig

Paris was spotted last night with not only her “man hands” on display, but wearing a dress and nylons that can hypnotize you and stop a charging elephant dead in its tracks. Couple that with a blond fright wig that can be found in the Halloween clearance aisle of Walgreen’s (thanks JV/JB) and you got […]

Paris & Britney to Ruin Billboard Awards

Oh crap! Get ready for the least funny, yet most “train-wreck-like” Billboard Music Awards ever. Britney and Paris (ernie and bert) will be co-hosting the Billboard Awards next week (Monday @ 8pm EST) in Vegas. An “insider” said, “they’ll be fun on stage.” What? Fun on stage? If by “fun” you mean “awkwardly reading cue […]

Britney: Putanky Palooza!

Seriously, is Britney new? I mean, is she new to being in the spotlight and getting in and out of cars? Is she new to underpants? Well, I’m glad she has no clue. Ever since Britney has been hanging out with Paris it’s like the game “Is That Paris Hilton Ass, Boob, or Stanky Putanky” […]

Britney & Paris: Ice Skating Partners

Did Britney pull a “Tom Cruise” and forget about her kids? I think she may have. They haven’t been seen in weeks. I say “full custody” to KFed. Moving on, Britney and Paris have been “buddy buddy” or as like like to call them “busty bustless” over the past few weeks. This time, over the […]

Britney and Paris: The New Ernie and Bert

Britney and Paris were hanging out in Vegas…why? No clue. Regardless there they are with pictures snapping all over the place. What has it come to in your career when hanging out with Paris Hilton seems like a good business/career decision? Perhaps Britney is getting sex tape tips from Paris. It’s kinda like “ask the […]

Time to Play the Paris Game!

It seems like ages since we were able to play with Paris herself, but you’re right it’s time to play, “Is That Paris Hilton Ass, Boob, or Stanky Putanky!” I even wrote a jingle for it, but since you can’t hear me you’ll have to make up your own beat. “If your day in work […]

Tina Fey Hates Paris Hilton

Tina Fey stopped by Howard Stern to promote her show, “30 Rock” and it’s move to Thursday nights, but not before giving up some info on some horrible guest hosts of Saturday Night Live. Typically the hosts were great according to Tina, but everyone now and then you would get a bad one. And, cue […]

How Do You Say “Skank” in Italian?

Paris is very busy filming a commercial for Vespa and she needs to know how to say some Italian phrases like, “My name is Paris Hitlon.” Yeah, crazy Italian slang like that definitely needs to be put up on cue-cards like that. I mean, who can remember their own name in a different language. What […]

There’s a 3rd Hilton Sister; Mitsy Hilton

Who knew there would be another Hilton sister out there, but apparently there is. Look, she’s right there in the background with the Hilton sunglasses crazy outfit, and uber-dyed hair. I’d like to call her “Mitsy Hilton,”the best of the Hilton sisters. I hope they bring Mitsy out a lot more. She needs some time […]

Paris and Nicole: The New Ernie and Bert

Well, well, well look who is back in action together! Nicole and Paris have reinvented their friendship as the new Ernie and Bert. These two crazy son-of-a-bitches were spotted together having dinner at Dan Tana’s (not to be confused with Danny Tanner’s) in good old West Hollywood last night. After dinner they went back to […]