Paris Goes to Maui

Paris Hilton, inspired by an artistic scarecrow on a farm in Iowa, has traveled to Maui for a little rest and relaxation after serving her 23 days in the slammer. She may try to disguise herself with that black, but her man-hands will always give her away. Anyway, Paris went to Hawaii all alone, which […]

Paris Hilton Does Larry King: Snicker

Did you know that Paris Hilton went to prison? Did you know she was released? Do you know she then went back? Do you know she was just released yesterday? Do you know that she was on Larry King? Me either! I really tossed and turned about writing a recap of the Paris Hilton/Larry King […]

Paris Hilton is a Free “Woman”

Here-ye! Here-ye! Parents, keep an eye on your kids because Paris Hilton is free to walk the streets again as she has just been released from the most popular prison stay ever. Never has there been more attention of someone leaving a place since Jesus left his tomb three days after his Crucifixion and, let’s […]

Hey Paris, See U Next Tuesday!

It’s official, Paris Hilton will be let out of the slammer on Tuesday and will be giving her first interview with Larry King, who apparently is still alive. Supposedly Larry did not pay Paris a dime for this interview that will air on Wednesday night on CNN. I think it would be great if Larry […]

Paris Hilton: A Brand New Skank

Don’t think that once Paris Hilton exits prison she’ll be going back to her old partying ways. Sadly, we won’t be able to play the favorite IBBB game, “Is That Paris Hilton Ass, Boob, or Stanky Putanky?” anymore. Sad. Very Sad. Paris had a brief prison interview with Ryan Seacrest and claims, “I’m so much […]

Paris is “Hanging In There,” Hopefully Not Literally.

Hollywood parents must be beaming with pride this week. First, my personal favorite, Dina Lohan visits her daughter Lindsay in rehab and now Rick and Kathy Hilton visit their daughter Paris in prison. With Father’s Day just around the corner, Rick must feel like he’s already received his gift. According to US Weekly Rick has […]

Paris is Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs

Did you guys know that Paris was back in the slammer? I wasn’t sure if you had seen the 24 hour news coverage, magazine covers, front pages of every newspaper and the United States, radio discussions, the CNN scroll bar, and the fly-overs. Anyway, there is no doubt in my mind that once Paris gets […]

And Paris is Out of Jail

According to my close friends at TMZ (they don’t know me), Paris Hilton has been released from jail early this morning after serving what seems like 12 hours in the slammer. I’m sure in this short period of time Paris has learned a lot, such as: How to become someones bitch How not to become […]

Paris Goes to Jail

Well it’s official. Paris Hilton is some officially fighting off bitches in prison. Paris, her mom, and her lifeless sister, Nicky, got together and took Paris to jail to turn herself in and start her 23 day sentence. This comes just hours after Paris was at the MTV Movie Awards, which by the way besides […]

The Prison Bitches Are WAITING for Paris. Best of Luck.

Paris, pictured above, is still doing her last minute workouts before she plays the jail game. Some of Paris Hilton’s new prison buddies are already pissed at her and they haven’t even “met” her yet. A classy prisoner who was just released from where Paris will be camping for the next 23 days has told […]

Paris’ Cellmate Will Be a Crazy Driver

Well we are down to about 5 days until Paris Hilton starts to party it up in the slammer! Even though she is still getting scripts sent to her (see above), Paris has already been assigned a cellmate. Awesome! It sounds just like going away to college for the first time when you get your […]

Paris Hilton Has Special Needs

Out of the 45 days that Paris was supposed to serve as part of her jail term, she will now only be serving 23 of those days. As an added bonus, Paris won’t be having knife-fights with the regular inmates as she will be placed in a “special needs housing unit” (which explains her posters […]

Candy Cane Spelling Officially Nuts

As you all (or y’all, as they say) know, I love me some crazy people. The crazier the better. Well, Candy Spelling just hit “tilt” on the craz-o-meter as she has written a very personal letter to Paris Hilton…and then Candy took it upon herself to send it to TMZ. Oh Candy, that’s sweet (get […]

Paris is 10 Years Old

Paris Hilton’s dad, Mr. Hilton, is in the hospital having an operation for something random. Meanwhile, Paris decided to take it upon herself to make her dad a “get well soon” poster. Paris bedazzled the Christ out of the poster and added all pictures of her and her family all over it. She even wrote […]

Jane Fonda Hates Paris Hilton?

For some reason Jane Fonda is still relevant. While Jane was on Larry King and asked about what her thoughts in regards to Paris Hilton doing jail time, Jane responded by saying: “I’m glad she’s being sentenced. I’m glad she’s going to do the time. If she were black or poor she would have done […]

Paris Likes “the Weed Cigarettes”

Uh-oh Paris likes to smoke “the weed cigarettes.” I place that in quotes so that the kids think I’m really “hip” and “up on the times.” Sometimes I have a hard time not “typing” in quotes. It makes it more fun. “Anyway,” while Paris was out enjoying the Coachella Music Festival a little while back […]

Paris Hilton’s Boyfriend is a Lesbian

Paris Hilton’s boyfriend, Josh Henderson, is a lesbian circa 1987 complete with cutoff flannel shirt and spikey hairdo. What? It’s not a stereotype. It’s a fact. I joyfully await your hate mail. Moving on, Paris and John were out and about the other night doing something with someone, I guess. I’m not sure actually because […]

Paris Wears Underpants, World Implodes

Paris Hilton was caught wearing underpants as she carried her dog up and down Robertson Blvd in LA the other day. What kind of a world do we live in when Paris wears underpants? A sick world, that’s what kind of world! And who carries a dog anyway? Either that dog is that small or […]

Paris Celebrates Easter With Her Ass

Paris Hilton celebrated Easter (the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ) by “accidentally” showing her tanned ass to the paparazzi that I assume is allowed to live in her driveway. I think that was actually the way it happened in the Bible as well. Now don’t quote me, but I believe the Easter […]

Breaking News: Paris Hilton Not a Virgin!

You guys are not going to believe this. Paris Hilton is not a virgin. I know, I know and Milli Vanilli didn’t really sing either. It appears that Paris Hilton may have lost her little old virginity to Randy Spelling, the son of Aaron Spelling and brother of Tori Spelling. Randy Spelling has told the […]