A Very Newport Harbor Christmas

Ho ho holy crap Allie’s parents new house is completely insane. The entire episode of Douche Bag Creek should have just been about their house. I would have been fine with that. Anyway, it’s Christmas time for the kids of Douche Bag Creek and that can only mean one thing; let’s decorate the piss out […]

Newport Harbor: Scripted Thanksgiving

Gobble Gobble! It’s time to give thanks during the Thanksgiving episode of Douche Bag Creek. Is is just me or does Chrissy seem to come home every 4 days? Anyway, here’s how this episode, It’s O-V-E….but not R, goes down: Ah sorority sluts. How I’ve missed them. The sorority sisters a telling Chrissy how much […]

Newport Harbor Recap: Chrissy and Clay Break Up. Also, No One Watches This Show, But Me.

It’s time for another episode of Douche Bag Creek. I don’t know what my problem is, but I’m still having a hard time remembering everyones name and figuring out which one is Clay and which one is Chase. Regardless, here’s how this episode, “Caught in the Act” when down: Was Sasha always in the opening […]

Newport Harbor/Douche Bag Creek is Back! Holiday Episodes! Ho-Ho-Hum?

Like a recovering meth addict, I can’t quit cold turkey. The Hills may not even be cold in the scripted grave, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t catch up with the crew of Douche Bag Creek. Apparently it’s the holidays and the sick son-of-a-bitches are back home visiting the creek. For me this is […]

Newport Harbor: Off to College and Stuff

Ah yes, this season of “Douche Bag Creek” has come to and end. Will there be another season? Will MTV just move down the street to another beach? And what the hell ever happened to Cami? These are all questions that are discussed by the great philosophers. Here’s how this crapisode, “Nothing’s Going to Be […]

Newport Harbor: 2 Second Graduation

Alright alright, it’s graduation day for the troops of Douche Bag Creek. It seems like just yesterday I was trying to figure out who was who and, while I still don’t really know, the season is almost over. Here’s how this episode, “You are Not Replaceable,” went down: How the hell rich is Chrissy’s family? […]

Newport Harbor: “Chrissy the Virgin”

Surprisingly they haven’t pulled the plug on Newport Harbor…er…I’m sorry I meant “Douche-Bag Creek.” On this very special crapisode of Douche Bag Creek, Chrissy alerts the world and lets them know that her “gentlemen greeter” has yet to “greet any gentlemen.” Did she at least shake a gentleman’s hand or anything? To crack my 10 […]

Newport Harbor: The Prom. Yeah!

It’s another craptastic episode of “Newport Harbor: Laguna Beach 4 – Return to The Hills 3.” This is a very special episode because not only do we get to fully experience 3 generations of Steve Sanders (Steve Sanders Jr., Steve Sanders, and Steve Sanders), but it’s also the Prom episode where everyone will sneak attack […]

Newport Harbor: The Lame BBQ

It’s amazing how horrific this season is and I don’t mean horrific like, “it’s actually pretty good and a train wreck and I need to see it.” I actually mean horrific. This crew of crackheads are so boring. Who found these people? Maybe they should have tried another beach. Is there a beach in Compton? […]

Newport Harbor: The Bikes

Ah Laguna Beach, I mean Newport Harbor. What a great show. After watching the latest episode I’ve realized that the most interesting thing of the episode was the bikes that Chrissy and crew seem to ride throughout the episode, but we’ll get to that in a few. Here’s how this crapisode of Newport Harbor went […]

Newport Harbor: Pretty in Pink Sucks

Yeah so it’s only episode 2 of the very original Newport Harbor and I’m already bored. I’m not sure I can commit to recapping the whole season, so unless these retards get a little more retarded this may be my last Newport Harbor recap. We’ll see. Here’s how this one went down: I bet Chrissy’s […]

Newport Harbor Recap Palooza

What a treat. Newport Harbor. Or as I like to call it “Laguna Beach 4: Return to The Hills Season’s 1-3.” Let’s see how this episode crashed and burned. Here’s what went down and my thoughts: Wow same theme song. Really? Instead of using the Hilary Duff song I would have opted for “Smack My […]

MTV’s Newport Harbor. Really?

Move over Laguna Beach, there’s a WHOLE NEW show about to debut on MTV. It’s going to be totally different from Laguna Beach. Even the name of the show is completely different. They changed the name from Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County to Newport Harbor: The Real Orange County. I shit you not. You […]