Mariah Carey Wanted to Remind You She Has Boobs at the Golden Globes

Similar to knowing that Audrina has teeth, Heidi has a chin, Paula Abdul has meds, Tyra has a high opinion of herself, and Snooki has a tan, Mariah Carey has boobs y’all…and she wants to remind us this every chance she gets.  This time, the chance to remind us was at the 2010 Annual Golden […]

Mariah Carey Drunk is the Best Mariah Carey Personality Yet

I’m really hoping that “drunk celebrities” are the new “dead celebrities” for 2010.  Mariah Carey, who has been rumored to be pregnant consecutively since 1997, was awarded “Best Breakthrough Actress” at the Palm Springs Film Festival for her role in the movie “Precious”  and when she swung up on stage let’s just say that Slurry […]

What's Up With the Mariah Carey "I'm Taking a Dump" Pose Lately?

  I’m not sure, really.  There were rumors since 1997 that Mariah Carey is pregnant, but I think it only takes 9-months to shoot out a baby. Simple math explains to me that Mariah has not been pregnant for the entire 12 years.  Anyway, Mariah was all awkward bent-over poses while on the red carpet […]

Mariah Carey Turns On the Christmas Lights and Turns Up the Cameltoe

Mariah Carey was in jolly ole’ England yesterday at the Westfield Shopping Center in London to give a little “pip-pip” and turn on their Christmas lights for them.  Touching.  More importantly, Mariah was turning up her Christmas cameltoe, perhaps a first for the cameltoe society.  Seeing these photos reminded me that we haven’t played the […]

Mariah is Pregnant With a Butterfly Baby Wearing a Tube Top

Second in line to the official “There’s going to be a ‘Friends’ reunion” rumor, the official “Mariah Carey is with child” rumor has been making its rounds again.  Jeesh, just because an older woman who wears the clothes of a 19 year old Fly Girl and has been prancing around with her boobs falling out […]

Someone is About to Lose Their Job…and Possibly Their Life

Who DARE force Mariah Carey to hold her own umbrella whilst on the red carpet like she is some wild animal…or a cave person!?!?  Not only will someone be losing their job over this, I’m sure, but I’m confident that someone will also be losing their life and my guess is that they will die […]

I’m Confused. Are There 2 Grammy Awards on This Year?

What happened to television? It seems like all that’s on anymore is reality shows and television specials. Bring back 227 for Christ sakes! Last night I thought the Grammy Awards was on. They weren’t. It was an hour long “live” special in which there were performances by randoms and then they would announce who was […]

Newsworthy Statements from Mariah Carey. Thanks US Weekly!

Leave it to US Weekly to get the hard hitting entertainment stories. I am sad to report that as of Thursday, October 30th in the year of 2008, Mariah Carey and her husband are still undecided on a Halloween costume. I know. Give me a minute to pick up the pieces of my shattered existence. […]

We Get it Mariah, You Like Pink and Purple…Pink and Purple Slutty Clothes

The newly married Mariah Carey tied up her boobs, stole a skirt from her Bratz doll, and headed over to TRL to visit “the kids” in the audience and promote the hell out of her album. Sure she looks good, but you know if she wasn’t famous she’d just be that chick at the local […]

A Step Up From Her “Honey” Onesie

Ok I need to guys to stay with me for a second. Does anyone see a slight resemblance of Mariah to Kathy Lee Gifford with a tan? I’m owning it. I’m sticking with that. Anyway, Mariah Carey was filming new scenes from her next video, “I’ll Be Lovin’ You Long Time.” No really, it’s called […]

Mariah Allowed to Play Baseball

Mariah threw out the first pitch at Japan’s baseball game between the Yomiuri Giants and the Rakuten Eagles in Tokyo. I’m pretty sure the Japanese baseball fans saw Mariah and assumed the Hello Kitty came to life. I think it’s official that Mariah has become an actual caricature of herself. She’s a complete goon, dressed […]

Mariah F’s Up on Good Morning America

Ba da ba ba ba I’m lovin’ it! Anyone catch Mariah on Good Morning America this morning? I typically like to start my day by checking out an almost middle-aged woman with her boobs popping out of her tight hot pink dress so I, of course, snapped on GMA to see Mariah “perform” a tune […]

Mariah Celebrates #1 By Dressing 16

Mariah left her NYC apartment the other day dressed like a futuristic farmer in heat (no clue). At what age do you stop dressing like this? I assumed 17, but I could be wrong. Anyway, Mariah has achieved first week sales of 475K, which is an all time high record for Mariah in her first […]

Mariah Isn’t the Whore I Thought She Was

Mariah Carey disappointed me, again. Look, I’ve always assumed she was a pain in the ass and that seems to hold true, but I always thought Mariah was a big slam-pig-whore too. Apparently, she isn’t. Why even go on, you ask? Well, I’m holding out for another Mariah breakdown and I’m sure that increases the […]

Mariah is Technically Frolicking

You may remember the picture of Mariah Carey with her boobs to the wind a few weeks ago on the beach, but now even more pictures of Mariah have been released. I believe these are photos of Mariah technically frolicking on the beach. More people should frolic and should say frolic. Anyway, Mariah is looking […]

Mariah, Boobs. Boobs, Mariah. Repeat.

What in the hell? Mariah Carey was relaxing on the beach somewhere in the Caribbean when someone (paid or not paid) snapped a photo of Mariah and, of course, her rack-attack. Luckily (for her, not us) she has both a magazine and a glass to cover the girls so that she’s not completely tits to […]

Mariah, J Lo, and a Pig Walk Into a Bar

Oh yeah! It’s time for a good old fashioned American and Bronxian Sass-Off! If you thought that you’re life would be complete if you could only hear Mariah Carey and Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx singing together on stage then you will be sadly disappointed. When asked about the liklihood of this happening Mariah […]

Mariah Believes in Science

2 Mariah posts in one-week = world implosion. Buckle up. Mariah was at t VH1 Save the Music brew-ha-ha (??) and when asked about why this night was important, Mariah gave this answer: “I feel like this night is important for children and parents because music actually does help children learn. It’s scientifically proven. When […]

Mariah Carey’s Boobs Go To a Party

Diddy was throwing a party and Mariah and her boobs were all invited! What a treat! Diddy was having his “The Real White Party” in the Hampton’s. Thanks for inviting me, Diddy. Nothing brings back “equality for all” quite like a “Real White Party.” Rumor has it the Laurie Ann Gibson was passing out white […]

Mariah and Mandy: The Vacation-Off

Now is it wrong that Mariah Carey is about twice the age of Mandy Moore, yet looks better in a bikini? Don’t get me wrong, Mariah is still crazier than a shit-house rat, but is looking better and better each day. Poor Mandy. Her album crapped the bed, her movie tanked this week, and the […]