One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Whore!

JWoww ShamWow and Snooki were celebrating Cinco de Mayo in Miami whilst filming scenes for the new season of Jersey Shore.  With all the grease and oil that’s all over them you’d assume the lime would just shoot out of their mouths like a bullet.  I’m glad that JWoww is wearing her token sombrero, but […]

JWoww’s Boobs are Going to Catch Secondhand Smoke

Well.  As if we didn’t already know that JWoww ShamWow smelled like a mix between packaged ham, Sex on the Beach test tube shots, and burnt skin, we can finally add Misty 120’s to that list of scents as well.  I mean, it’s like her future perfume line invents itself. JWoww was caught by the […]

Remember That Episode of Punky Brewster When Punky Went to Live With that Rich Family?

Well now this IS bazaar and bizarre all wrapped up and held together with the elastic band from tanning goggles.   Snooki, JWoww ShamWow, and Sami SweatStains all became elegant “ladies” for a photoshoot with Harper’s Bazaar magazine.  Uh, maybe Nell Harper’s. The pigs in heat all got etiquette lessons from Lizzie Post and put […]

Snooki Finally Showing Us How She Protects Her Face from Punches

Wanna try and punch Snooki in the face again?  Well good luck getting through two layers of tan and Real Housewives of Orange County inspired fingernails.  Oh that’s right, Snooki is putting up quite the defense this season.  I also like how Snooks is being proactive in regards to her red highlights she’s added to […]

Miami is Just a Trashy Stopover. Jersey Shore Season 2 Finishing Up at the Jersey Shore!

It’s like all of a sudden saying that the birth of Jesus took place in a bedazzled stainless steel manger in the sunny Caribbean.  You just can’t rewrite history like that.  Well the same goes for the trashmasters over at the Jersey Shore.  People (i.e me) were dumbfounded when they heard that Snooki and crew […]

Snooki Lands in South Beach. Welcome to Miami, Bienvenguido a Miami!

Refreshed with a stack of sombreros, Snooki is doing her best Speedy Gonzales impression in caliente South Beach, Miami.  See what I’m doing with all the Spanish references?  I may be over it already.  Anygtl, Snooki Gonzales met up with her other cast-mates like JWoww ShamWow, who is slowly channeling Charo in that dress (coochie! […]

Wanna Help St. Jude’s Hospital? Buy Pauly D’s Tanning Bed. Yeah, You Read That Right.

What would you do if I told you that you could help the children of St. Jude’s Hospital AND become a juiced-up-GTL-Guido all at the same time?  I’m sure you’d say, “But IBBB!  It can’t be so.  How can I achieve all of my life’s goals in one quick shot?”  Well, I’d reply back to […]

JWoww ShamWow Doing Anything BUT Dancing With a Combo Beaver/Seal is Just Plain Pointless

I can hardly wait until the new season of Jersey Shore starts up.  To keep myself entertained I’ve been collecting dust bunnies from my apartment and gluing them together with 2 parts chewing gum to 3 parts sugar water and making an “instant poof” that I place on top of my TV so that I […]

Who The Hell is He Always Pointing At?!

Ugh.  Why always the pointing with the fingers?  Who do you see, Pauly?  Just tell us for Christ sakes.  Use your words, Pauly, use your words. A lifelike Troll Doll, Pauly D from Jersey Shore, made a red carpet appearance in Vegas the other night to attend the premiere of “She’s Out of My League” […]

Snooki’s Boyfriend Wants to Put Her on a Diet. I Say Lose the “Freakin’ Poof” and Automatically Drop 15 Pounds.

Honestly, all I see if a floating head.  The Rhea Perlman of our generation, Snooki Polizzi, and her boyfriend, Emilio Masella, are officially in love and probably will be until the new season of Jersey Shore starts filming.  Snooki’s boyfriend told People, “We both started feeling it at the same time.”  I assume he’s referring […]

Jersey Shore Cast Go “Jaywalking” on Jay Leno….Again.

I know this is 2 days old, but I can’t get enough.  The D-Bag Brigade that is the cast of the Jersey Shore showed up on the Tonight Show again to try their tanned hands at a little Jaywalking.  As always, my iced coffee straw could get more answers right than this crew, but, as […]

Why Did They All Turn Into Fran Drescher?

Well Harper’s Bazaar just fell into the dumpster and hit every female cast member of Jersey Shore on the way down.  First of all, why is that the way “Bazaar” is spelled?  Is that the correct way?  I don’t get it.  Eh, I’m not checking.  Second, according to detective work that may have been done […]

Her Appearance Fee Can’t Be More Than $49.99, Right?

Looks like someone made their luggage garbage bags into a red carpet dress!  Move over syphilis Martha Stewart because Angelina is coming up right behind you.  Angelina Pivarnick (who knew she had a last name?) showed up to the Three-O Vodka launch party in New York City the other night.  Three-O was out promoting their […]

Jersey Shore Cast on The View. I Feel Like Whoopi is Even Mad at Me for Watching.

It’s the dream just won’t end.  The cast of The Jersey Shore stopped by The View yesterday to chat with the ladies who all seemed like they were pissed off just because they all had to show up to work.  However, Barbara wasn’t there for the interview, which is probably great for us because the […]

The Jersey Shore Cast Hits Up the “Oregon Trail”

That’s right folks, it’s time to take another trip down the Oregon Trail and this time we’re enjoying our journey with the cast of Jersey Shore.  I miss them, you miss them, and this is the only way I’m able to get through the downtime in between season 1 and season 2.  So grab your […]

Grandpa Situation Got the Haircut That the Nuns Would Never Let Us Get

When I was in Catholic school in the 90’s, the nun would NEVER let any of us get the haircut that Grandpa Sitch is now sporting.  No, I’m not talking about the gel’d spikes, I’m talking about the two (and sometimes three) shaved lines on the side of his head.  Yeah, we all wanted to […]

Welcome to Miami, Bienvenguido a Miami!

Help Me Work For “The Soup!”  Join the Facebook Group Here! Read Past Jersey Shore Recaps! What do you do when your fist pump suffers from frostbite?  Well, you pack up your tubs of gel, stash your Nads and tweezers in your duffel bag, and ship two cases of AquaNet to Miami because, according to […]

Ellen DeGeneres Sends the Jersey Shore Cast to Hell

One of Ellen’s favorite games (no, her other favorite game) “Know or Go” got a little extra grease in it’s levers when Snooki, Grandpa Situation, and Pauly D stopped by for a visit on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.  To my complete surprise, Pauly D was actually pretty smart.  Well, I don’t know if “smart” is […]

The Jersey Shore Cast Head to The View

As the Douche-Bag Press Tour continues to criss-cross applesauce all over the United States, one of the next stops for the Jersey Shore cast is on ABCs “The View.”  My little Snooki, JWoww ShamWow, Grandpa Situation, Pauly D/Ellen Travolta, Sammi SweatStains, Ronnie the Stump, and Vinny are all scheduled to appear on the Feb 23rd […]

Faux-Breaking News: DJ Pauly D and Farrah (from Teen Mom) Not Together.

See what I did there?  You know, the baggage?  Yeah?  You with me?  I made Pauly D pull Farrah’s baggage?  Right?  Good, right?  Ok, well not the worst I’ve done.  Anywax, rumors spread like the wild-fire between Lindsay Lohan’s crotchtastic legs late last week that Jersey Shore’s Pauly D and Teen Mom’s Farrah were now […]