The Best (and Most Ridiculous) Harriet Carter Products of All Time!

We couldn't love the Harriet Carter catalog any more than we do. Check out our favorite white-trash products over the past 8 years!

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Harriet Carter, a Magical Wednesday

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday. It seems like just 7 days ago it was Harriet Carter Wednesday. That was a trick math question. It was 7 days ago. You guys are the worst at math. This week Harriet talks from her pussy….cat, helps a little boys teeth rot out, drys her sweaters in the bathtub, and […]

Outdoor Fun With Harriet Carter!

By the constant itching of my eyes I can tell that Spring has sprung and by “sprung” I mean “declared jihad on my eyes, nose, and throat.” This Spring, Harriet tricks mom and dad into a stylish burial, reminds us of our love for plastic animals, and helps us to make sure we don’t break […]

Harriet Carter: Polly Pissy Pants

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday to one and all! This week Harriet pisses in our pants, gets our kids addicted to cigarettes at a young age, let’s the world know there aren’t any terrorists in here, and sits her lazy ass on a stylish Burberry chair knockoff. What a busy week she’s had! Let’s go!Product # […]

Harriet Carter: Get Pretty and Stuff

I’ve always said that Harriet Carter was easy, breezy, and beautiful so it’s about time to see how Harriet gets herself looking purdy each and every day. I’ve also said Harriet is a white-trash honky so I’ve tossed in one of those products too. Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday girls, boys, and skanks! Let’s go!Product # […]

Harriet Carter and the Penis Leaker. Huh?

Visit Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday mo-fo’s. Just the other week I complained that Harriet needed to update her crapalog and then this week…BAM…new products! By now, you know my life goal of making it into the Harriet Carter catalog. Well, I may not have made it yet, but as you can see from the […]

Harriet Carter: The One With the Repeat

Click Here for Previous Harriet Carter Product Reviews! Harriet Carter Wednesday: The One With the Repeat! Hey, even I need a break every once in a while…or is it once “and” a while? See if I had more time to think I’d probably be able to figure it out. Here’s a little Harriet blast from […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Sluts on the Run

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! And I’d like to say a special “hello” the the Harriet Carter employees that are now reading this every single Wednesday. Yes, I have been informed that you have been reading. Stop by and say “hi” sometime. It will be nice to put a face with the name when I see […]

Harriet Carter: Fresh Box to Go, Please!

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday from sunny Florida! I love it when Harriet gets all sexy and sells sexy products to her sexy white-trash customers. The sexier the better and with all this Florida heat Harriet is sure to be in a sexy mood. Skank. Anyway, this week Harriet places chemically altered fish into her stinky […]

Harriet Carter: Turn the Boobs On

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! I sometimes wonder if Harriet dreams of me as I dream of her. I assume so. I also assume that the real Harriet Carter has been dead for over 314 years. She probably died of Diphtheria on the Nina or the Santa Maria. Anyway, this week Harriet’s rack lights up my […]

Harriet Carter: Cut, Kill, and Vacuum

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! Do you ever wonder what Harriet Carter looks like nude? I do. Anyway, this week Harriet rips the hair out of our head, reminds us what white trash looks like in the form of a sweatshirt, kills grandma, and teaches little girls exactly what’s expected of them when they grow up. […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: The Sexgown

Yeeeeeah! Harriet Carter Wednesday! Let’s hear it for white-trash owww owwww! I sign up for Harriet Carter catalog email alerts (yes they do exisit) and everytime I get an email with the name “Harriet Carter” in the sender line I alway think, “Crap, this is it. They’re emailing me a lawsuit.” Can you email lawsuits? […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Serve & Protect

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday, the happiest and trashiest day of the week! I’d like to go on record as saying that at some point I may end up reviewing every product that has ever been in the Harriet Carter crapalog. The day that happens I believe world implosion takes place, so good luck with that. […]

Harriet Carter: Bird Poop. Exactly.

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! I’m thinking that Harriet Carter should start her own reality show. It would be a cross between The Apprentice and America’s Next Top Model. You’d have to model the most ridiculous products while also trying to sell them to white-trash viewers. Who’s in? Anyone know how to make/pitch a reality show? […]

Harriet Carter: Happy Pooting!

Happy Craptastic Harriet Carter Wednesday! Fact: If Harriet sees the shadow of her double chin on the 3rd Wednesday of February we’ll have 6-more weeks of winter. Also, if by August 24th her boobs hit the ground, that means 6 more weeks of summer. Just thought you should know how it works. This week Harriet […]

Harriet Carter: My Trashy Valentine

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! What a real treat the day before Valentine’s Day. Therefore Harriet is, clearly, my Valentine. My trashy Valentine, but Valentine nonetheless. I love saying “nonetheless.” I feel like it should be three separate words, but it doesn’t have to be and I love word jumble. No clue. Anyone, below are hand […]

Harriet Carter: The One With the Harriet Carter Thursday

Happy Belated Harriet Carter Wednesday, also known as Harriet Carter on a Thursday. I had been battling the flu (possibly the bird flu) since Saturday and am finally slowly getting better. Thanks for the well wishes you sick sons-a-bitches. Similar to the Berlin Wall coming down or when JFK was shot, you will always remember […]

You’ve Got Harriet Mail!

Similar to Tyra Mail, there’s also Harriet Mail. Like any good fan of the Harriet Carter catalog I make sure to subscribe to her email list. No joke, I login to my email account and I have Harriet mail with the subject line stating, “A Valentine’s Day to Remember!” I am trembling with anticipation because […]

Harriet Carter: Extenders and Ease

Why Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday you sick sons-a-bitches. Just when you think the crap well has dried up and there is no more crap left, Harriet continues to provide us with an endless pile of crap to help us, hurt us, and heal us. I also have no idea what that just meant. Regardless, let’s […]

Harriet Carter: She Just Won’t Die

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! It seems like just 7 days ago it was Harriet Carter Wednesday. Funny the way the calendar works. It’s all tricky and stuff. Anyway, this week Harriet continues to try and sell us crap that 100% confuses me, yet keeps me entertained. I’m still going strong on my campaign to be […]

Harriet Carter: Kids, Nana, Death, Fun!

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday, or HCW as the kids are calling it. It’s all the rage. Last week I got some hate-mail and nastygrams from some of you who were less than thrilled with me making fun of the little girl last week. Seldom do I allow the hate mail to bother me and this […]