The Best (and Most Ridiculous) Harriet Carter Products of All Time!

We couldn't love the Harriet Carter catalog any more than we do. Check out our favorite white-trash products over the past 8 years!

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Harriet Carter: Sleepy Time Wednesday

It’s the happiest Harriet Carter Wednesday in all of the land!  And by “land” I, of course, mean “white trash dwellings.”  Kudos to me for using the word “dwelling” in this here crapbag blog for the first time in almost 4 years.  Harriet teaches.  Anygarb, this week Harriet sings “Noni Baby” to a sleepy little […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Seamless Dump Catchers

Oh hi.  I didn’t see you there.  Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday.  Thank you for coming.  Take off your coat.  Perhaps, your pants?  Get comfortable, but not so comfortable that you start farting and junk.  Nobody needs that around here.  Class it up because this week Harriet has finally bedazzled a shirt for Snooki and keeps […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: The One With the Spring Repeat

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Similar to “Must See TV” if it’s new to you it’s not a repeat.  Therefore I present you with a little Harriet Carter review from yesteryear.  Technically yesteryear is 10 months prior to “days of yore.”  Anyway, it’s too nice outside to be reading this so, well, don’t.  Ok fine, do.  […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Go Fish Your Cat

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  This week, Harriet lets people with ADHD multitask and is either giving us a dig or is about to kill her cat.  It’s a toss up.  Let’s go! Product # 1 – Are you a complete useless douche-bag?  Have you ever been taking your daily Shasta McNasty and thought, “I need […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Scare a Dog, Do a Puzzle

Another Harriet Carter Wednesday, another dollar I didn’t make.  You’d think the people over at HC would be tossing me a few bucks for positively highlighting their products each and every week.  I mean, sure I crap on them but it’s a kind crap.  A jovial crap, if you will.  And, let’s face it, this […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Killing a Deer, Saving Some Money

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Figures this Harriet Carter Wednesday falls on St. Patrick’s Day and, of course, my name is Patrick.  I’ll try to write in slow sentences, whatever the hell that means, as I assume Harriet is doing keg stands in her office with her bra off followed by a slurred rendition of “We […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Yeah, No. That’s Not Quite True.

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Let’s celebrate!  Let’s text and drive!  Harriet Carter, the patron saint of white trash, typically provides me with smutastic products, but sometimes she shows me a little something that I don’t quite understand.  Let’s cut the small talk and get to the products.  Let’s go! Product # 1 – Do you […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: The Rabies Machine

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  We’re officially three months into the new year and I’m already sick of 2010.  However, Harriet Carter and her rotten box…of products always seem to bring a smile to my lifeless-dead-behind-the-eyes face.  I picture her in a board meeting trying to choose what to sell next.  This week, Squirrel Feeders.  Next […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Spring Has Sprung. Time To Kill Animals!

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Harriet’s testicles are, clearly, tired of being frostbitten so it’s time to take a look into what crap we can buy for the upcoming Spring season.  Let’s go! Product # 1 – Finally!  A product on the market that will protect my “ornamentals” from animal raids.  Like this one time a […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: More Horse T-Shirts!

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday!  Did you ever wonder where I’d be if there was no Harriet Carter?  No joke, when Harriet finally kicks I hope they televise the funeral like they did with Ted Kennedy and years from now people will say, “You always remember exactly where you were when you heard that Harriet Carter […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: The Return of Failure Model Chick!

Well happy Harriet Carter Wednesday to you and yours.  We are just days away from the holiest day of the year, Valentine’s Day, so it only makes sense that this year Failure Model Chick will be my Valentine.  Last year it was Harriet, but after dealing with her crust I’m ready to move on to […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Harriet is Your New Religion

And on the 7th day, God rested.  Then on the 8th day, God created Harriet Carter.  From that, white-trash was born and all the angels and saints rejoiced and began purchasing products they did not need like sweatshirts that said things like, “Today Ain’t a Good Day For Me.  Tomorrow Doesn’t Look Good Either.”  Amen.  […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Balls, Ball Bag, Death Pillow

Harriet Carter’s a brick, house.  She’s mighty, mighty.  She’s letting it all hang out.  Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down, shake it down, down.  Shake it down, shake it down, shake it down, shake it down, down. Brick……house.  Now that I got that out of my system, Happy HCW.  This week Harriet […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Stinky, Janky, Tacky

Well hello and Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday of the new millennium!  We are in a new millennium, yes?   Sometimes, no?  Anyway, if my New Year hangover has finally wore off I will be of sound mind to know that this is the new Harriet Carter Wednesday of the New Year.  And if the Bible is […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: The Worst of 2009

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! Can you believe 2009 is over?  I can because there are 365 days in the year and we’re basically at day 363. Did you not figure that out?  Well it’s been quite the year for Harriet Carter products so I decided to post some of the worst products that IBBB has […]

White Trash Christmas Gifts That Say, “I Don’t Actually Care About You”

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday Christmas Bonanza White-Trash-o-Palooza 2009!  Ho ho ho?  Why yes, yes she is.  This year I thought I’d do a little faux Christmas shopping in the Harriet Carter crapalog and buy you all a little something.  I jest, as I am a jester.  Anycheapcrap, this year Harriet makes it easier than ever […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Hair Today, White Trash Tomorrow!

Here comes Carter Claus, here comes Carter Claus, right down Money Wasted Lane!  Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday.  Only 8 more sleeps until all you garbage bag trash barrels will wake up and unwrap your gifts from Carter Claus.  What a treat.  This week Harriet is giving your elderly grandmother the worst makeover ever, allows your […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: 2 Shasta McNasty's and a Sexless Dress for the Cockeyed Twins

Well Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday to you and yours or to you and your hand, whatever your current situation is.  It amazes me that that I’ve been recapping Harriet Carter products for a little over 3-years.  Oh, and by “amazes me” I really mean “makes me want to reach out for someone to kick the […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Thanksgiving and Beyond….

This Thanksgiving I am most thankful for all the joy that Harriet Carter brings to my life and I’m also thankful for no pending lawsuits.  Let’s take a look at some helpful products, etc that I have been most thankful for.  Let’s go! Product # 1 – Ho ho ho, stupid! You better hurry up […]

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Getting Lucky Tonight? Harriet Will Be the Decider of That.

Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday.  I really love when Harriet smuts it up just before the main holiday season.  It makes me feel all warm down by my ding-dong.  Anyway, this week Harriet is signaling sex in the bedroom (or bathroom floor), reminds your kids that Santa and his team of reindeer are always watching you…always, and brings back […]