Dear Britney’s Crotch

Dear Britney’s Crotch,

Hey! How are you? What’s new? You must be a little chilly with the seasons changing and your constant presence in the wind. It seems that people are always trying to talk to your owner, Britney Spears, but she never wants to talk to the press. I know that you, as her crotch, are always photographed, but no one ever really talks to you and ask you questions. So, I wanted to touch base. What’s it like being one of the most famous crotches in the world? Do you feel a lot of pressure knowing there will be paparazzi just feet from you every time your owner gets out of her car? Are you ever worried that there are times when you may not look your best? It must be a lot of pressure. Oh, and how was it to be the first to meet Britney’s kids? Ouch! That must have hurt, I’m sure. What was worse, the pain or the screaming as they were passing by? I know, I know, kids sure are loud!
So what’s up with Britney? Is she as bad as everyone says? Is there really a drug problem? More importantly, do you feel that you inspired Britney to shave her head all those months ago? Are there ever times that you worry that she’ll add extensions to you too? Who would have thought a crotch would have so many worries. Anyway, congratulations on getting that extra night of visitation with the kids. I know you’re really busy and all, but if you can just let Britney know that she should lay off all those extra Starbuck’s coffees that would be great. Thanks again, Britney’s crotch. Stay warm!
Luke-Warm Regards,
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