Britney Does the Express Checkout

Britney is CURED! With just an additional 24-short hours of rehab, Britney Spears has gone the “express checkout” route and left rehab. Britney was quickly spotted coming home. Oh, she was also spotted as a character from a 1950’s beach blanket bingo movie in which she sported the famous ratty blond wig, child molester sunglasses, 1950’s gym-class uniform, and marble notebook that a nun must have passed on to her.

In other Britney news, the LA County Department of Children has received numerous calls to their hotline from people who are concerned about her kids safety. I mean, half of those calls were probably from me, 1/4 were probably from Sean Preston thinking he was calling Ernie and Bert, and 3/4 were from the judge from the Anna Nicole Smith trial. My math is correct, right?

I look forward to Britney “getting well soon,” but in the meantime I think it would be great if for the next week she started going out wearing a different Halloween costume each day. I mean, where do you really go from here?

Who Shot Beach Blanket Bingo!?!

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