Eva & Beyonce NOT to Dyke It Out, Sniff

Sure Jack Palance died, but I have some truly sad news to break. Eva Longoria is fighting back rumors that she is to play Beyonce’s lesbian lover in an upcoming movie. To sadly quote Eva, “Stop the madness! Believe me I would love to work with Beyonce…but this is something we are definitely not doing together. It’s completely and absolutely not true.”

First of all, Eva, you should have used the Susan Powter line, “stop the insanity” and second of all, thanks for nothing. Now that you’ve ruined this for me why don’t you stop by an orphanage and tell those kids that they have an 84% chance of NOT being adopted. While you’re at it, give them the heads up about Santa too.

Eva, you may say that these rumors are not true, but that picture up above of you (arriving at Good Morning America to do a cooking segment today) are kinda saying “lesbian co-star” to me. I mean, if not that, it’s definitely saying that you are being initiated into the “Child Molester Hall of Fame.” Congratulations, you look like you are ready for your level-three sex offender blue ribbon!

Beyonce would be lucky to have you Eva! Now who is she going to get? I fear it will be one of the two remaining members of Destiny’s Child…or worse yet, JayZ dressed as a woman.

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