The loud and retarded host of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Ty Pennington, was arrested the other day for driving while under the influence of alcohol. I believe the police reported stated he had drank about 10 Zima’s. Ok, so I made that part up, but it made for a funnier story. Anyway, Ty is very sorry for risking his life and the lives of others (and getting caught) and has issued this statement:
“We all make mistakes, however this is about accountability. Under no circumstances should anyone consume alcohol while driving. I could have jeopardized the lives of others and I am grateful there was no accident or harm done to anyone. This was my wake-up call. “I also want to apologize to my fans, ABC Television and my design team for my lapse in judgment and the embarrassment I have caused.”
Yeah, so what in the hell is up with all of these celebrity DUI’s lately? I don’t get it. It makes me crazy. The way that I look at it is that if you’re a celebrity you have sooo much money. Why can’t you afford a cab or hire a driver? Oh, and I don’t even mean because it’s the responsible thing to do. I just mean that if you’re that rich and famous why would you ever want to risk cutting your life short? If I were rich and famous I would have a driver take me everywhere and I’d always wear a helmet, everywhere, and I’d probably wrap myself in toilet-paper and cotton balls just in case I were ever to fall down. There is no way I’d ever want to not live if I was so rich. No way. So Ty, and the rest of you drunk-driving celebrities, you need to stay alive to enjoy all that money. Please leave the drunk driving to us poor people who don’t really have much to live for anyway. Yup, that’s the new IBBB public service announcement.