I figured I am already going to hell for a variety of reasons so why no add just one more to the list by providing commentary on what is rumored to take place today. First, Anna will be buried in a custom made gown. I would have opted for the wetsuit that she sported in the Trimspa commercials. There have been over 300 guests that have been invited to an undisclosed church. Hmmm, this seems a lot like the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes secret wedding to me. The church will be covered in pink flowers (Anna’s favorite color…or “colour” for those of you reading this overseas or in Canada) and there will be a surprise singer who will be belting out tunes. At this time, no one will disclose who this singer is, but I have it narrowed down to the following five superstars:
- The second girl who was kicked out of Destiny’s Child
- Niki McKibbin of American Idol Season One
- Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (singing “No, I’m the Cute One” from their direct to video days)
- The grandmother from “Family Matters”
There is no doubt in my mind that this funeral will be an absolute circus. I also would not be surprised one bit if Ashton Kutcher came running into the funeral, Anna jumps out of the casket, and we all learn that MTV has just “punked” the absolute piss out of us.