America’s Next Top Model: Tyra Wins!

IBBB is taking the blogging day off today, but ANTM recapper Jenny is never allowed a day off again. Therefore, below is Jenny’s recap of last nights America’s…Next….Top…Model.

  • The girls show up at a cheesy re-enactment of Gladiator. Where is Liz Taylor? GLAAAAAAAAADIATOR? How lucky, they are attending Gladiator school. Evidently “everything is a pose” when you are gladiatoring. Per usual, Dominique thinks she is going to win the challenge. Yawn.
  • For the photo shoot challenge, the models have to fight the incredible hulk. I think they should have fought Tyra. Without armor. And they should get one of those balls with spikes attached to a 2 and half foot chain. They only get five frames….Go!
  • Fatima looks like she’s fighting off a perv on the subway with her umbrella (ella…ella…). I don’t know what Monique is doing. Maybe they’re breakdance fighting.Whitney wins the challenge, a shopping trip in Rome…and takes Anya with her. Bye.
  • Tyra charges on to the scene and screams, “Mama’s in charge today!” Tyra is the photographer today. Does life get any better for these girls? Does it get any better for us as Americans?
  • Per usual, Tyra gives the girls cockamamie instructions for the shoot. This week, she is looking for an “Italian Renaissance woman at the club on Sunset.” She is also looking for exaggeration, which according to Tyra is pirouettes. I wonder if she will sneak any frames of herself in there? She uses all kinds of photog jargon like “pose” and “hold it.”
  • Meanwhile, back at the ranch….all the girls talk about how wonderful they did…this episode is totally boring. Tyra really needs to be in more of these scenes.
  • HOLD THE BUS. This is priceless. Anya is the first to be critiqued. The judges tell Anya she looks beautiful, Italian Vogue all the way. Before Anya can say a word, Tyra says THANK YOU. WOW, THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH. Um hello? I think they were complimenting the model, not the photographer. But nobody mentions this to Tyra. So I’m not going to either.
  • Tyra tells Whitney and Kardacxzuty that she is sad to see them in the bottom 2 because she feels motherly to them. Oh ya, she’s a mother all right. A bad mother……………shut yo mouth.
  • Kardacxzuty is heading back to America. I’m fine with it. Especially since it means there are only 4 girls left and this season will be over soon. I mean, I don’t have anything better to do, but whatever.

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