Alright alright! America’s Next Top Model Cycle 10 is back in action and so is ANTM recapper Jenny. I’ve given her a raise to recap each episode of ANTM so she is not making $0.19 an hour. Thank God the writers strike is over. Let’s take a look at Jenny’s thoughts on last nights episode of America’s Next….Top….Model….- It’s another cycle of ANTM and I bet this will be dramatically different than the other 9 cycles. There probably won’t be any bitches, cry-babies or psychopaths this time. I bet Tyra won’t talk about herself at all, and Miss Jay will have a man’s haircut.
- Ok, I don’t know what just happened, but the girls are taking photos in catholic school uniforms. This reminds me of when I went to catholic school and the nuns would make us say Hail Mary’s out loud as a class every time we heard a siren go by.
- One girl looks suicidal and talks like she has a bottle of pills in her mouth.
- Everyone shows up at a football game and ex-ANTM’s are dressed up like cheerleaders. They scream some ridiculous cheer and are going to crown a homecoming queen.
- When Jay announces they are crowning a homecoming queen, all the girls squeal nervously as they HOPE and PRAY that they are the victor. But you little hussies just got Punk’d because Tyra bursts onto the stage and as it turns out SHE is homecoming queen. If you have been following this show at all, you are not the least bit surprised by this. This is officially an acid trip.
- Eeeeeewah! Some girl just asked the group if they wanted to check out her pubic hair. At this point I think she should be registered as a Level 3 sex offender
- …..Cue the obligatory plus size model…..and cue the chick who gets in front of the judges and starts the “you don’t know me…..you don’t know what I’ve been through….I’ve been abused…………..”
- I’m not sure, but I think I just saw Grace Jones in this group.
- For what seems like the next 6 hours, Tyra and the judges interview roughly 800 girls….or maybe 35 girls. Whatever.
- One girl is drinking her own breast milk. In a surprise twist, Tyra and the judges also pretend they are drinking it. What a hoot. Shoot me.
- It’s time for the girls to run and scream like headless chickens to see if they are one of the finalists.
- The finalists have to do their own hair and makeup and pose for class pictures. This is the final cut…..Winners get to move into the house in New York….and that WAS Grace Jones that I saw.
- “Suicidey” is one of the finalists….great.
- Ohhhhhh Tyra is sneaky….At the last minute she tells the girls that there will not be 13 finalists….there will be 14. Who cares? I am not impressed that since the last cycle Tyra finally learned to count to 14.
- And so begins another season of America’s Next Nightmare.
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