America’s Next Top Model: Recap Trap!

Well after I gave America’s Next Top Model recapper, Jenny, the week off last week as was ready to go and recap her ass off this week…but Tyra threw a little wrench (probably named Tyra) into the plan. Here’s a little ANTM message from Jenny:

This week was the recap episode. Admit it Tyra. Don’t try and be all, “oh here’s some deleted scenes and never before seen shenanigans.” Tyra, you just wanted more of Tyra’s voice narrating Tyra’s actions. Well I don’t want to stroll down memory lane with you. I’ve already seen all this sh*t and it was bad enough the first time. Why would I want to see this again? I would however, be open to a recap episode featuring inspirational quotes from Tyra ONLY….such as, “Modeling is acting like a hoe and making it fashion.” “You gave us this…and we needed this….” And everyone’s favorite, “Two beautiful girls stand before me.” All quotes MUST be done in various accents. Or perhaps a music montage (set to “Shake Ya Body” of course) featuring Tyra dancing, smiling with her eyes and walking fierce. I would also accept an episode in which Tyra is a guest star on Family Guy. Lastly, Tyra could have taken this time to do a little self promotion….Perhaps Tyra the Musical? She could take old Barry Manilow songs and add her own twist…Like “I Can’t Smile Without My Eyes.”

Regardless, I would assume there is no need to recap a recap….so I will see ya next week. And Tyra better step this up. No more meat clothes and dance-offs. I want to see the girls posing as the seven continents or as 80’s sitcoms that only lasted one season.
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