America’s Next Top Model Recap: Marjorie Gets Drunk, Gets Watchable

• The hills are alive………with the sound of Tyra…..La la la la…….I am singing because we are down to the final two episodes. Once this ends, I hope my Tivo doesn’t get confused, think I like this show and start recording all the re-runs.
• Samantha just did the Arsenio hall “bark.” Are people still doing this? It is literally from like 18 years ago.
• I can’t STAND Marjorie. It’s like ground hog day. Every episode she is crying and one of the other models is trying to convince her she is a good model. She’s the worst.
• Paulina just showed up from 1985 via her time machine. She is going to teach them selling tricks, so she makes the girls sniff a barrel of herring. Next, they caress toilet paper. Valuable modeling life lessons.
• The girls audition for a 30 second commercial. They get to kiss a male super model. Winner gets a $10,000 shopping spree at G Star. All in all it’s a win-win.
• I want to crawl under a rock anticipating Marjorie’s attempt at this commercial. I know it’s going to be awkward. I am correct. The whole thing is awful.
• Well here I am with egg on my face…Marjorie WINS the challenge…Hold the bus! Some boys come over and Marjorie is getting HAMMERED. This is great. The best part is, none of the other girls drink. Marjorie starts making out with one of the guys. Then, she gets into the tub fully clothed. Analeigh gets all “boys get out of the house” Mckey threatens to physically remove them from the premises. Damn. Just when it was getting good.
• Good for Marjorie. I didn’t know the little hussy had it in her.
• This week’s photo session has the girls modeling as what I think are little Dutch girls after 2 eight balls and a fifth of vodka.
• WOW. Marjorie is drinking again….This girl is no joke this week (but she is every other week).
• It’s panel time and Tyra starts doing Japanese bows. Why?
• Tyra says that Mckey eyes bore into her soul and her lips make her want to go “neeeee neeeee neeee neeee” The other judges look at her like she just ate a live chicken.
• Marjorie and Sam are in the bottom two. So who stays? Nervous, crying, awkward, wine drinking Marjorie? Or the girl who according to Tyra “just……doesn’t……get it.” Marjorie gets the boot. Haavenstraat…Don’t let the Dutch clogs hit you in the windmill on the way out.
• See you next week at the finals!

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