America’s Next Top Model Recap: Fiercee Awards Signature Poses. Wait, Huh?!

ANTM as recapped by the brilliance of Jenny. Here’s what went down on last nights America’s Next…..Top…..Model.
  • Here we go, another riveting week of ANTM. What will the ladies do this week? Stimulate the economy? Discover the truth about global warming? Smoke the terrorists out of their holes?
  • Nope, they’re going to make pancakes and talk about who is the next to go home. I was close. I wonder if this show is banned in any other countries.
  • Tyra shows up and delivers Tyra Mail in person, along with a ridiculous rhyme. What a treat. The girls enter the photo studio to find Tyra doing all kinds of poses with her shoes and legs.
  • Evidently Tyra’s signature is her eyes. At least I am assuming that is her signature, as she just keeps pointing to her eyes. Maybe her signature is poking herself in the eyeballs or performing some type of retina witchcraft.
  • For this week’s challenge, the models get 20 pictures. They’ll take 10 pics…then they get to peek at them…then take another 10 pics. Time to get a signature pose or get clipped by Tyra.
  • These girls’ poses are the most nonsensical thing I have ever seen. They are all terrible and Tyra’s instructions are worse. She is doing African dance moves and making bell sounds.
  • Marjorie wins the challenge. She was the hunchback of Notre Dame. Exactly. They get to pick diamonds. Whatever. The real prize should be White Diamonds, the 80’s perfume by Elizabeth Taylor. Nothing says 4:00 Mass with Nana like White Diamonds.
  • Off to the Orpheum Theater. It’s the backdrop for this week’s photo shoot. Time to act out embarrassing moments. I mean, where to begin. One example, “I want to pee and I can’t get out of my gown.” I hope someone does “I saw Tyra on the streets of L.A. and didn’t recognize her, so she beat my ass.”
  • Random videos of Tyra with a feather duster.
  • Tyra shows up to judging with her hood on. Tyra tells us she is Little Black Riding Hood. She looks like the Grim Reaper. I wish she would kill me.
  • Lauren Brie and Sheena are in bottom two. So who stays? The girl who Tyra thinks is a hoochie? Or the girl who’s hair is transparent? See through hair (Lauren Brie) is asked to leave the competition. I can’t believe there are 7 girls left….another month of this show?

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