America’s Next Top Model: Get Hoochified

Last Updated: September 27, 2007 By ibbb

Resident ANTM recapper, Jenny, is back in action this week recapping the absolute piss out of last night’s episode of America’s Next Top Model. Here are her thoughts on how things went down:

This week’s episode starts off they same way every other one starts off. Why does every girl say they want this because they’ve had a rough life? I am pretty sure none of these girls are off fighting the war in Iraq. And now you’re on TV. Your life is fine.
The Bio-Diesel Mobile is the girls mode of transportation this time around. That there Clark is an RV………….Good to see Tyra is still saving the planet.
The girls move in to a sick house (which I feel like I have seen before on another reality shit show), and begin to impersonate Tyra during the elimination ceremony. Please stop doing this. We have seen girls do this every season. It’s not funny, or original. It would however be funny if they imitated her having one of her freak show melt downs, a la You Tube.
The girls do a photo shoot showing the effects of smoking. One girl is bleeding from her lips. Evidently smoking causes you to cut off your lips with scissors? Maybe next week they can show the effects of watching 9 cycles of America’s Next Top Model. I will pose with needles sticking out of my eyes, while pulling out my hair one strand at a time.
Ok, other effects of smoking include stillborn, burn victim, gingivitis (swear to God), a face tumor and a collapsed lung. This is legally the most ridiculous photo shoot to date.
Awww….How sweet….The girls are making fun of the autistic girl, saying it’s like she is on a 3 second delay. I wonder if they also kick puppies.
Oh God. The girls have a shopping challenge at Old Navy and Benny Ninja shows up. What in the Christ is he wearing? I think he has on every piece of jewelry from Nana’s jewelry box. He leaves the girls and shouts “Hasta la vista baby!” I wish the Terminator would show up and blow him away.
I find this episode very boring…but I laugh when they introduce Nigel at panel. I can’t help but think how Pasquale asked him if he could get a picture with Tyra in a headlock.
During the judging, Tyra tells one girl she does not need to “hoochify” herself. Tyra is so articulate. And a role model.
Saleisha wins the Old Navy dress yourself challenge and gets $1,000 gift certificate to Old Navy. She also gets to be in an ad for Old Navy. I hope she gets to pose with “Magic” while wearing “Performance Fleece” from 1997.
During the elimination, Tyra gets on her high horse tells the girls this is a smoke free cycle. Thank God it’s not an alcohol free cycle. That’s the stuff that dreams are made of.
Grossest!! Ebony is crying because she might be getting eliminated and has all snots coming out of her nose.
Anyhoo, Mila gets the boot. I was able to figure this out during the show, because my local news station kept flashing that there would be an interview with an ANTM cast-off after the show. Since I am legally a genius, I was able to figure out it would probably be Mila since she is from Boston and sucks as a model. She kinda looks like Beverly Mitchell from 7th Heaven.