America’s Next Top Model Beijing Hijinks

Da-da-da-da-da-ding-ding-ding. America’s Next Top Model is still somewhere in Asia and ANTM recapper for IBBB, Jenny, has just delivered her recap of last nights episode. Enjoy!

  • This week the girls are off to Beijing. Miss Jay and Twiggy arrive to the challenge in boxes carried by Chinese men. They introduce us to the “Four Beauties.” Their significance will be revealed to us later. I can hardly wait.
  • The girls receive bricks with Chinese lady costumes inside, from Tyra. Because this is a gift from Tyra, that sentence should actually make sense to you.
  • The girls will have to accessorize these outfits and incorporate the Four Beauties. Shocker.
  • During the shopping challenge, Bianca runs into Jenah and tells her she HAS to check out the shops across the street. Why Bianca you wily little minx, there ARE no shops across the street! How Zack Morris of you!
  • For part two of the challenge, the girls have to put on some make up (or warpaint, as my 8th grade nun called it), and walk the runway.
  • Jenah wins the challenge. In typical 80’s sitcom fashion, good triumphs over evil in the first 30 minutes. She wins a couture Chinese dress that I’m sure she’ll get a TON of use out of, and a runway lesson with Miss Jay. Why hasn’t anyone asked him where his afro is? Isn’t he worried?
  • The girls are off to their photo shoot on the Great Wall of China and Tyra bounces onto the scene as the photographer. What a sweet treat.
  • Tyra tells Chantal that she is “going to be a warrior but to think of herself as a dancer, almost like an athlete.” Do you think Tyra shares her crack or smokes it all up herself?
  • Tyra demonstrates poses to Bianca and she says “as soon as Tyra showed me, I got it.” Really? As soon as Tyra showed her, I got confused. Then again, I don’t really understand anything Tyra says or does, ever. But I like it that way. Ignorance is bliss. A stitch in time saves nine. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. What the hell does that mean, anyway?
  • I really wish Tyra would stop counting to three in Chinese OVER AND OVER AGAIN. It’s like Chinese torture. Hey…wait a minute…..
  • Saleisha says….AND I QUOTE…”I definitely gotta bring it, I gotta bring it, more than bring it, I gotta bring it, bring it, just bring it.” Does her Chinese makeup have lead paint in it? Do you know how many times I had to rewind my Tivo to get that quote? Christ on a horse!
  • It’s judging time and rest assured Miss Jay’s afro is back.
  • Bianca is eliminated from the competition. Tyra gives her what I am sure she considers a life changing speech and sends us on our way. Season finale next week.

America’s Next Top Model Beijing Hijinks

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