Justin Guarini the New Jennifer Grey?

My sister loves “before and after” pictures of people on crystal meth (awesome!). I love “before and after” pictures of celebrities who change just one thing about themselves and then look like a completely different person….not just a little different, but insanely different. Looks like I hit the jackpot again as Justin Guarini ditched his “Sideshow Bob” haircut or even his “Rhea Perlman Updo” for a straightened, almost Michael Jackson, hairdo. Similar to “jumping the shark” I’m going to start calling this one “Hopping the Jennifer Grey.” You all remember how Jennifer Grey got an innocent nose job and ended up looking totally different? You do, don’t you? Don’t make me come over there!

Justin is on the set of upcoming film “Fast Girl” which should promise to be not as good as, “From Justin to Kelly.” So what else is going on with Justin Guarini? Good question. Well, he is turning down jobs left and right (good move). When interviewed by my future employer MTV, Justin told them that it’s ok to say “no.” Not to drugs or anything, but to work. Justin continues:

“I got offered reality shows, do this, do that, left and right. That’s not the kind of entertainer I feel that I am. If other people chose that for themselves, good for them, but for me I really wanted to make sure that what I did spoke from my heart.”

Let me give you some advice, my friend. Take EVERYTHING and bank every last dollar because it’s going to be over soon, real soon. In fact, it already really ended for you. Take those reality shows and here’s why. Do a bad reality show and move your status up to “d-level.” From there, spend time at Hyde in LA and wait there, just wait there, because eventually Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and/or the Olsen Sluts will show up. Then, buy them some drinks, become friends, ask one of them out (or ask all of them out as your chances aren’t so great). Fast forward 3-months to a drunken Las Vegas wedding and guess what? You will now be entitled to 50% of their earnings. Divorce. Take the alimony and additional settlement money and retire. If you really wanted to up you cash flow, please make sure to record a sex video with your new Hollywood wife. This will really come in handy if the divorce settlement doesn’t add up. Act now, thank me later.