Idol may be giving back, but they’re not giving me back my time wasted while watching this crap. So I think to myself, “IBBB, you dirt-bag, maybe you should check out “The Idol” and maybe you should recap the crap out of it.” Here’s how far I got…
Sweet I love, “Please don’t stop the music.” Hmm where is Rihanna? Why are there so many people on stage? Wait, is that Paula singing the “please don’t stop the music” part? Why are all these people dancing? Why are there so many people on stage? Wait, is Syesha Mercado actually Rihanna? I’m confused. Why is that kid with the dreads singing too? Oh crap now they’re all on stage…in a line…singing. Did Rihanna sign off on this crap? Oh God now all the Idol kids are moving and singing, that’s never a good mix. Sweet Jesus why is David EatYaLettuce singing “mamma say mamma sa mamma macusa?” Why? Why is this happening? I’m a good person, why? Crap now there’s a 250 pound women doing African tribal dance moves. Jennifer Hudson? She’s moving too quickly, I can’t tell. Now guys in tights and black vests are doing spins. They won’t stop twirling. They can’t stop. Mamma say mamma sa mamma macusa. The lights won’t stop flashing. The dance moves won’t stop. Help me, I think I’m having a seizure. Oh my God this is it, this is how I’m going to die. The police are going to find me days later in my apartment having non-stop seizures on my floor and slurring “mamma say mamma sa mamma macusa.