American Idol Results Show: Please Let the Sun Go Down on Me

american-idol-2009

Ugh. Where to begin?  The show kicked off like robotic bat out of robotic hell when the Idol kids started to sing “Hot and Cold” by Katy Perry.  I hate this part of the show the most.  It’s like watching the Brady kids turn themselves into the Silver Platters and belt out a horrific tune.  Yuck, my ears.  At one point I don’t think anyone was singing the right words.  Luckily, I’m pretty sure they were lip-syncing this piss out of the song anyway.  I think they even dubbed in a choir.  All terrible.  All of it.  You know Lil Rounds is dying a little more inside with each group song she must sing.

Here are some more low-lights from the “results” episode:

  • I thought that dude that sang “Hey There Delilah” kicked ass.  Yeah, I said it.  I’m sure he won’t make it through.  I’m sure America will vote for the kid that dressed like Cherri Johnson.  Umph, I miss Betty Johnson.
  • When people sing the lyrics, “Don’t let the sun go down on me” I always snicker and say out loud, “Ha, down on me.  That’s great.”
  • Nathaniel continued on his “I’m just having fun…I like fun…..fun is fun….you want to see fun….you said I’m fun…fun…fun…fun. Oh, and fun.”  That kid is the worst.  I hope he has fun fun fun until is father takes away his t-bird.
  • Lil Rounds made her ass into the final three.  I’m a loser, so I’m psyched.  I hope she sings “Sitting Up in My Room” next time.  I’m sure Paula will request that Lil sings the phonebook, but like will really wants her to sing the  actual phonebook.  Hopefully she’ll start with AAA Plumbing.
  • They pick off the front row like we’re surprised.
  • Scott the blind dude made it through.  Ok, here’s the thing.  Yeah he’s blind, but I don’t think he’s 100% blind.  He’s like 98% blind.  Unless he brings a seeing-eye-pony out on stage with him and only plays the harmonica I’m not going to overly feel bad for him.  I would also pay millions if during his performance Ryan just yelled out, “The audience is the other way.”  Fine.  See you in hell.  You guys are no fun.  Just because I won’t discriminate against the blind kid doesn’t mean I’m mean.
  • Cherri Johnson and Skank-Face Barbie got the boot. See you on Season 5 of Sober House!
  • Jesse McCartney and the girl who looks like the new Idol judge got the boot….right up the pooper.  See you both in the subway!
  • Ugh. Jorge (the real life MC Skat Cat) made it too.  He beat out the dude that sang “Hey There Delilah.”  That sucks, although I get once more chance to giggle when he sings, “Don’t let the sun go down on me.”  Hahaha, down on me.  That’s great. Wait, they don’t even let him sing that crap?  I never get ANYTHING I want when I watch Idol.  Although I think I may have caught crabs from it once.  They jumped through my TV, but I digest.
  • Finally, it’s time for the Wild Card.  Sounds tedious.  I’m in! Oh wait, we have to wait until tomorrow? That’s dumb. Wait nevermind, they are narrowing it down to the judges top 8. The Top 8 random wild card maybes are:
  • Jesse McCartney – Paula tells him to let go of worry and be himself.
  • Jasmine Murray – no clue who she is.  Kara literally tells Jasmine to “kill us.”  Done and done.
  • Ricky Bradie – no clue.  And I spelled his name wrong, I’m sure.  Maybe they said Ricky Bobby…or Justin Bobby!
  • Megan – Sweet!  Hopefully we can see more of that crazy windmill dance she was doing.
  • Tatiana Del Torro – Thank GOD!  The only reason to watch this show, really.  She cries, she bows her head, and she’s wearing a one-piece bathing suit top. 
  • Matt – I’m pretty sure he has sticks of dynamite strapped under his jacket.  Good planning, actually.
  • Jessie Red Hair – that was kind of a surprise.  Didn’t they hate her last week? Maybe that was me.  No way of knowing.
  • Anoop  – Ugh. I am all Slumdog Millionaired out! 
  • Yes!  Jorge is singing “Don’t let the sun go down on me.” Hahaha down on me.  That’s great.

My mind is numb.  I’m never doing this again.

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