Back by popular demand is another fresh segment of IBBB’s “Am I Wrong?” Sometimes it’s nice to stray away from reality shows and really think about some stuff. Yeah, stuff. Deep.
- Maybe some of you should cool it with the sideward winky face you feel necessary to place after almost every sentence you create via an email, status update or text message. It’s getting a little ridiculous. I mean, do you really need to wink at the close of each sentence? Whatever happened to the period? It was solid and, at last check, needed. Do you know how crazy you would look if every time you ended a sentence out loud to someone you winked at them? Have a nice weekend (wink). See you tomorrow (wink). Hope you get well soon (wink). I’ll bring the dip (wink). Can’t wait for my vacation (wink). Hey bartender, can I have a vodka tonic (wink)? Did you hear the latest foreclosure stats (wink)? There’s an Amber Alert for a missing 3 year old boy last seen wearing a blue hooded sweatshirt (wink). Ready for bed (wink). Ok, maybe that one deserves a wink. Other than that, Am I Wrong? 😉
- I’m sorry, am I not fast enough for you? This is typically what I want to say when a co-worker emails me and then waits all of 11 seconds before coming over to my desk to ask my if I just got their email. It’s like, Jesus, your fireworks display and cannon shooting parade certainly got my attention but give me a little time to friggin actually read it and process a response. I mean, I like to pause at the commas. Geesh. Am I wrong?
- When celebrities freak out publicly whilst on a meth and/or coke binge their publicists need to stop saying they’ve had an “allergic reaction” to their medication. You know what happens when I have an allergic reaction to medication? I break out in hives. When a celebrity has an allergic reaction they pistol whip a prostitute, trash their hotel room, and do said activities naked. No one buys this excuse. Either say you were tricked into trying meth or you were just holding it for a friend. Am I wrong?
- Door busters. You know what? Go f*ck yourself. Am I wrong?
- Wanna know when I become catatonic? When the waiter is reading the “specials” and rambling on for 5 minutes I actually have no recollection of one thing they said. I don’t recall their name, I have no idea what the soup of the day is, and, personally, I don’t really care how the genius chef has prepared the halibut tonight, mainly because I’m not quite sure what exactly halibut is but also because it’s pretty personal. I mean, I’m not asking the waiter if the chef wants to know the secrets of how I closed a $100,000 deal today, am I? Keep it to yourself, braggy. Am I wrong?
Well that concludes another segment of “Am I Wrong.” Am I Wrong was brought to you by “A Santa tie” and the letter “buckles.”