Am I Wrong: The Return

Is anyone paying attention to China? What in the hell is going on with those guys? Their toys that they ship to the United States are poisoned with lead paint. Their toothpaste is poisoned that they ship to the United States. The vegetables that were shipped to the United States were tainted with some type of poison as well. Anyone paying attention to these guys? Sure there’s a war going on over in Iraq, but we may want to put the spotlight on those tricky Chinese. Poisoning us? Using their cars as missiles as they crash all over the road? Hmmm, sounds like an al qaeda copycat to me. Am I wrong?

Hey I have a fun game to play! It’s called “If you’re not a 12 year old girl stop drinking out of a straw.” Sure the game is self explanatory, but I’ve seen more and more adults walking up the street drinking their juice and/or their coke bottle out of a straw. You’re an adult. Say goodbye to the “crazy straw.” Am I wrong?

Stop bragging on Myspace. Who are these people who are posting their salary on Myspace? I don’t need to know if you’re in the $250,000 club. In fact, I barely even believe that’s you in your default picture let alone you’re salary. If you’re making $250,000 and are still sending out Myspace bulletins something just doesn’t match up. Why not add a copy of last years W2 to your photo album while you’re at it. Am I wrong?

Isn’t “So You Think You Can Dance,” “American Idol,” ” American Inventor,” “America’s Got Talent,” and “Dancing With the Stars” the same exact show only on 4 different channels? Just checking. Am I wrong?

Hey guess what? If I show up to work on a Monday and my face and arms are all red there really isn’t a reason to ask me if I spent some time in in the sun over the weekend. I’ve basically spent time ON the sun. Yes, I’m sun burnt. My other favorite is, “Ow, does that hurt?” Nope it doesn’t hurt at all. I mean I can’t move my eyebrows without tearing up and my face is literally providing enough heat to warm up my office, but it doesn’t hurt at all. Feels great. Stop asking stupid questions. Am I wrong?

If you’re a little kid dressed up in a baseball uniform, do me a favor…stop coming up to my car with a can asking me if I’ll help donate some money to your baseball team. I just recently spent about $250 for a ticket to the Red Sox game and THEN I have to still buy food and beer…and by “food” I actually mean “more beer.” Why would I want to donate to your little league baseball team where once you hit the ball off the tee you end up running the wrong way. Yeah, that’s money well spent. Oh, and get the hell out of the street you’re going to get hit by a car. Where are your parents? Am I wrong?

Finally, hey Sally Field – I don’t care that you’re so happy your friend told you about Boniva. Look, it sucks that you have osteoporosis but stop bragging about your once-a-month pill that you take. You’re almost as rich as Oprah. You could probably afford to have 100% bone replacement. Is that possible? Who knows. Am I wrong?