Am I Wrong? It’s Back!

Back by popular demand is another fresh segment of IBBB’s “Am I Wrong?” Sometimes it’s nice to stray away from Hollywood and really think about some stuff. Yeah, stuff. Deep.

I’m not a big fan of flying although I love sitting in the emergency row. Those extra 5 inches of leg room are too much to pass up. Did I mention I’m also an asshole? Yeah, well I am. I love when I’m in the emergency row and the flight attendant makes me verbally say “yes” that in the case of emergency I will assist everyone off the plane. Really? I have to say yes? Fine. “Yes.” I’ll help. I verbally say yes, but in my mind I am envisioning the plane going down and me pushing everyone out of the way to I can get myself to safety first. I would literally use people to knock other people out of my way. I would use the fat lady as my flotation device. Hell, I’d string like 10 kids together to make me a raft so that I can float to safety. I would never help anyone if my life was in danger. Am I wrong?

Why the hell are people so shocked when they get on an elevator and there are a lot of people already on the elevator. They say things like, “Wow” and “Oh!” when the doors open and they see 10 people already standing in there. It’s like they’ve never seen people on an elevator before. They look at you all puzzled and slowly kinda walk into the elevator as if they’ve lost all their senses and have no clue what to do. Yes, this is an elevator. Yes there are people on it. Yup, that’s how it works. There are 50 floors to this building. Did you really expect tumbleweed to shoot out of the elevator when the doors opened so you could get your fatass on it? Take the stairs if you’re so shocked with a crowded elevator. Am I wrong?

I love people who have no clue what to do when it comes to Daylight Savings Time. You would think this is the first time they’ve ever had to change their clocks back an hour. Clearly it must be the end of the world. Then you always get that smart ass that says things like “It’s 10:00, but it’s really like it’s 11:00.” Yup, it is….except that it isn’t. That’s like saying “It’s Monday, but it’s really like it’s Sunday.” Yeah, it is…if it was yesterday. However my absolute favorite is the people who end up late to work on Monday after Daylight Savings Time. Are you kidding? You’re late? You know you had to turn your clocks back on Sunday at 2am? So basically you went ALL of Sunday “forgetting” to change your clock back? Your cell phone didn’t update itself to tip you off? You didn’t notice all day that everything you wanted to watch on TV you missed? Oh, did you miss the sun going down an hour early? Really? All those clues you didn’t pick up on? Yeah, you should be late to work. Oh, you’re also retarded. Am I wrong?

Can you believe they’ve already put all the Christmas stuff out in the stores? I even saw some if out before Halloween! And now that Halloween is over ALL of the Christmas stuff is out. It’s like they skipped over Thanksgiving. Can you believe it? Yes. Yes I can believe it. You want to know why I can believe it? I can believe it because this is how it’s been since probably the beginning of time. Every year the Christmas stuff comes out early. So stop looking all shocked when you walk in the store and see it. Christmas stuff is put out early. End of story. Yes they shove Christmas down your throat. Yes that’s Christmas music on the radio…already. This doesn’t seem familiar to you? You don’t remember saying this same thing last year and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that? Oh, and the year before that? You don’t deserve Christmas. Am I wrong?

I have a question. Why the hell are the homeless so tired? What are they busy doing? I typically walk over about 6 homeless people on my way to work every day and they’re always laying on the ground. See, now I just think that’s poor planning. If I were homeless I would spend the majority of my day walking around and then, come night time, I’d be so tired I’d probably get a good night sleep anywhere. Even at, say, a dumpster. And why the hell would you pick New York to be homeless? It gets cold here. If you follow my plan of walking around all day I would just start walking to California. At least it’s warm there. Has no homeless person thought of this yet? I should tell them. Am I wrong?