Am I Wrong? Golden Satchels.

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Back by popular demand is another fresh segment of IBBB’s “Am I Wrong?” Sometimes it’s nice to stray away from Hollywood and really think about some stuff. Yeah, stuff. Deep.

  • It’s post pictures of your kids week.  It’s post pictures of your husband/wife week.  It’s post picture of your celebrity look-a-like.  It’s post pictures of you as a baby week.  Is it?  Really, Facebook?  It is?  Are these new national holidays that I don’t know about?  Doubtful.  Stop trying to assume my identity and then sell the data to some group who’s going to declare Jihad on my profile and then hack the shiz out of me.  I also don’t buy those status updates that say things like, “….and 93% of people won’t repost this.”  Oh really?  Way to try and intimidate me.  Where’d you get those stats by the way?  Don’t use big numbers to try and force me to do anything.  Like Google, you already own about 98% of my life as it is.  Can’t we just leave it at that?  Am I wrong?
  • Who can I sue for “Uno Attack?”  In case you don’t know, after 3,000 years of playing Uno the “normal way,” the scientists over at Milton Bradley have come up with “Uno Attack” in which the Uno machine literally shoots all the Uno cards at you if you take too long and your time runs out.  Yeah, why aren’t they paying my sister royalties since she came up with that game in 1984 when we would play Uno and then she would, literally, throw all the Uno cards at me if I was getting close to winning.  I mean, I called it “Jennifer Attacks” but Milton Bradley should be prepared to hear from our lawyers by the end of the week.  Am I wrong?
  • You know what?  I am just burning doing the neutron dance.  Am I wrong?
  • Can they stop running commercials for Mary Kay with them trying to convince us that “during a recession” if you sell Mary Kay you’re not going to get laid off.  Uh, I have a question?  Who in the holy hell is buying excessive amounts of makeup now when they can’t even afford to buy bread and milk?  Hurry up and put on your face full of makeup because you’re going to want to look your best when you’re picking cans out of your neighbor’s trash.  Am I wrong?
  • How is it that I am so old that I’m actually living in the year that the Jetson’s cartoon took place in?  If someone tells me that I’m outliving Elroy I’m licking he third rail.  Am I wrong?
  • Can we all agree to stop using the term “FML?”  Can we?  Please?  You know who is allowed to actually say FML?  Kids who live in Third World countries who haven’t eaten since late January and spend most of their day swatting flies off their pushed-out stomachs.  They can say FML.  You know who else can say FML?  Orphans who are turning 13 years old and have no shot of getting adopted.  They can say FML.  You know who else can say FML?  The terminally ill.  They can say FML.  As for the rest of us who want to say FML when Dunkin Donuts messes up our coffee order or we spilled our $15.00 vodka-tonic on our new shirt, we should stop.  Immediately.  Am I wrong?

Well that concludes another segment of “Am I Wrong.” Am I Wrong was brought to you by “The Stevia Plant” and the letter “gingersnaps.”

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