Back by popular demand is another fresh segment of IBBB’s “Am I Wrong?” It’s been a few months since I did an “Am I Wrong” segment and people gave me a lot of crap for that. You think it’s easy to come up with consistently brilliant and witty banter? Geesh!
- Why can’t they make the zipper less dangerous, especially pants zippers? I mean, they’re so afraid that the tag on the back of your underwear is so irritating to the skin that they removed the tags all together, yet I’m supposed to risk my life every day by trying to get “Mr Winky Claus” through a metal zipper that basically has teeth trying to chomp off my naughty bits. Tagless underwear, yes. Metal zipper penis eater alternatives, no. I blame YKK for this. Am I wrong?
- Who’s using a pay phone? No really, who are you and what is it exactly that you’re doing because I’m pretty sure you’re making inappropriate and sexual prank calls or conducting some type of drug deal. Everyone has a cell phone. Everyone. Even my parents have cell phones. So if I see you on a pay phone I’m pretty sure you’re up to no good and I’m about 2 seconds away from making a citizens arrest. Am I wrong?
- Why are people still hooked on the concept that we’ll one day be able to power our cars with ridiculous things like vegetable oil or grease from a deep fryer? I don’t think it will ever happen. Yeah, well they used to think that we’d be able to shower like The Jetson’s on a conveyor belt with robot arms shampooing our arms and washing our back. Just pay the extra $0.05 increase in the price of gas and get on with your day. Am I wrong?
- Is Winter ever going to end? I love that question. I want to answer “no” to that when someone asks me. Is winter ever going to end? No. Nope, it’s not. Didn’t you hear? Oh you didn’t? Yeah well a new law just passed and looks like it’s going to be winter forever from now on. Yeah, it’s kind of like daylight saving time. Oh and it has something to do with the groundhog seeing its shadow. Yeah, I actually think it was the groundhog that passed the law. Tough break for us, huh? YES winter will end around the same time it’s ended every year since the beginning of time. Stop talking to me. Am I wrong?
- Don’t celebrities already have enough attention? Why does it seem like every celebrity now has a blog or is creating their own “funny” Youtube clips? You guys get to be on TV and in movies and in magazines and on the radio and you get paid a crapload of money for it and you even win awards for it. This crappy little blog is all I have. Can’t I just have that? Don’t you have enough already? Stop this immediately. Am I wrong?
- How the hell many hours is The Today Show on? Is it its own channel now? I’m pretty sure it is. When I was out for like 15 weeks with the flu I got to watch a lot of morning television and I was amazed that The Today Show never ended. Literally. It just kept going. After what seemed like the 6th consecutive hour of watching it I was pretty certain I knew everything I thought I could ever know about Meredith Viera and I was pretty sure I pieced together the puzzle and pattern of how Matt Lauer lost his hair. I think 1 or 2 hours is more than enough, no? Am I wrong?
- It’s been a horrible flu season. I have an idea. If you’re sick…wait for it….wait for it….don’t come into work. Crazy concept, I know. I see people dry-heaving, coughing up a lung, blowing snot everywhere, yet they tell me that they have a lot of work to do and not to worry because they’re going to the doctor tomorrow. Oh really tomorrow? That’s great, but I think I just got the flu from you about 15 minutes ago so can I bum a ride with you when you go see your doctor. No one needs a “workplace hero.” Just stay home, Snotty McPukeBag. Am I wrong?
Well that concludes another segment of “Am I Wrong.” Am I Wrong was brought to you by “Goya” and the letter “P.”