Why the Christ is Tom Cruise Using Lindsay Lohan's Spray Tanning Machine?

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Looks like someone hit “tilt” on the Lindsay-Lohan-Spray-Tan-o-Meter!  Seriously, why would Tom Cruise do this to himself?  I bet little Suri Claus was behind this.  I bet if Tom and Katie spray-tanned Suri she’d look like a little Oompa Loompa.  Bitch.  She’s as bad as Bindi Irwin. Whore-faced-skank.

Tom Cruise was out in Tokyo promoting the life out of Valkyrie at the Ritz Carlton.  That all sounds terrible.  The movie.  Tokyo. Tom Cruise.  All of it.  As a sidenote, he’s starting to get his mothers teeth.  Ever see those son-of-a-bitch chompers?  Yowza!  Very similar to the Grinch when the bugs would crawl through his teeth.

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