The Hills: More Sex Tape Fun, Where Does Spencer Actually Work, and Is Jen Bunney’s Nose Back?

Lo? Jen Bunney? The same episode? It’s like a Laguna Beach High School Reunion! Toss in Cami from Laguna Beach Season 3 and you got yourself an award winning episode. So close, so close. Let’s see how this crapisode of The Hills, “What Goes Around” went down. Come on, show me Lisa Loveless! No whammies, no whammies, no whammies…STOP!

  • Lauren is at “work” and explaining to her “boss” Whitney that she and Audrina (and her teeth) got into their first fight while in Vegas. Why does Whitney give every example under the sun when giving advice to Lauren? “You live together, you’re best friends, you do all sorts of things together, it’s bound to happen.” Thanks Whitney! Anything else you felt that you left out so that we, the viewers, can understand every aspect of the Lauren/Audrina relationship?
  • Jenn Bunney text messages Lauren. I picture Jen Bunney text messaging with her nose, similar to a pigeon eating little pieces of bread in the park. Is that odd?
  • Bonus points: Lauren’s work computer is actually turned on in this episode.
  • Why are Audrina’s toes all retarded? Gross. She’s painting them blue. This got me to thinking. She should then take a bottle of white-out and put a second coat on her teeth.
  • Wow, is this part not scripted? Lauren basically tells Audrina that she is a douche bag for getting involved in Audrina’s life and she says “sorry.” She should NEVER, EVER, apologize for naming him “Justin Bobby.” That name has changed my life.
  • Hmmm Lo is the new Lauren? She’s all nervous that Lauren is going to lunch with Jenn Bunney (and her new nose). Jesus, I used to think these girls would be fun to hang out with (and bang) but now it’s like everyone gets involved in everyone elses business. Lo, stop putting your new (yet better looking) nose in Lauren’s business. Although, bonus points for calling Justin Bobby a loser.
  • Heidi gets a scolding for her f’ning up the Emmy party that Elodie (sign of the cross) bailed on. Brent at Bolthouse looks like a diddler. Keep your kids away from that dude.
  • Brent picks up the phone to “pretend he actually does work.” My money is on him talking into the ear piece.
  • Lauren and Jenn Bunney meet for an awkwardly filmed lunch. Uhhhhh, is Jenn Bunney’s old nose back? No really. Wasn’t is smaller when she had lunch with Heidi? Oh my God, is Jenn Bunney actually Pinocchio? Her nose grows whenever she lies? Hmmm, I really may be on to something.
  • Jenn Bunney tells Lauren that Heidi told her that Brody started the sex tape rumor. I love how Lauren must constantly hear the words “sex tape rumor” over and over again. She should just film one. Oh, and then put it on YouTube. Brilliant!
  • Why is Audrina folding laundry in an outfit that you would wear to a club? Laundry and Audrina is very fancy.
  • Lauren whips out “truth and time tells all.” Ode to Justin Bobby.
  • Does Steve Sanders not blink? No really. I don’t think he ever blinks. Doesn’t that usually indicate you are on crazy meds?
  • Awesome! Justin Bobby and Audrina are playing pool. He is such a big d-bag. His winter hat that he wears at all times makes him look like a Fraggle. Winter hats indoors = douche bagism.
  • Lauren and Brody are at dinner. What kind of lighting does MTV use when filming these scenes? No offense, but the lights they have on Lauren show the wrinkles around her eyes. Yeah, I said it. Wrinkles. Rewind your Tivo. Turn down the lights, jackasses. Lauren is about 2 bulbs away from resembling Joan Rivers.
  • After Lauren forces it out of him, Brody finally tells Lauren that “yes” he knows for a fact that Heidi and Steve Sanders started the sex tape rumor. Seriously, who cares? It made all of them more famous. Lauren should be grateful. And to show her thanks, she should film her own sex tape and put it on YouTube. No? Still not yet? Fine.
  • Why do Whitney and Lauren only fold clothes at work? It’s like they work in a factory in a third world country….or a sweatshop (same thing).
  • I decided that no more conversations between anyone should take place unless they are at a bar and drunk. Who’s with me?
  • Jenn Bunney is the official “lunch guest” of this episode. She and Heidi (and their new noses) are having lunch. Awkward.
  • Jenn thinks she is the shiz for being friends with Lauren again. She’s all to Heidi, “I just kissed someone, I didn’t put something (sex tape) in front of millions of people.” Riiiiight Jen. You just screwed over your best friend on national television in front of millions of people. Let me settle this. You’re all douche-bags. Discuss.
  • Wow! Heidi is ALL defensive. She’s like that 6th grade girl who cheats on her test in math class and then gets confronted by the teacher and basically loses her shit. Believable.
  • So, what exactly does Steve Sanders do for work? No really? Is it just me or are all the scenes with Steve Sanders this season of him sitting on the couch either on his laptop or reading? I know, I’m shocked by the “reading” too. Wait, maybe he’s on house arrest? Here’s to wishing.

Overall, for me, this episode was a bit of a letdown, but only because they showed all the good scenes in commercials all last weekend. So basically, it was like watching the commercial again. And Lisa Loveless was not in this one either 🙁 I miss Elodie. I miss Cami from Laguna Beach. I also miss Heidi’s mom, but that’s another story.

Next week Lauren gets set up with some random guy who looks like what I can only imagine to be “Bob the Builder” when Bob the Builder grows up. As a side note, I want to host “The Hills Live Aftershow.” Someone should write in. Hell, write to Congress.

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