The Hills: Welcome Back Justin Bobby!

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To Justin Bobby: Thanks For Everything, ImBringingBloggingBack. Justin Bobby is back en la casa and The Hills just got interesting again. My only question is that once Justin Bobby and Audrina start hanging out again will Lauren hit Audrina with a closed fist or an open fist? Let’s see just exactly what went down on this latest episode, A New Roommate, of The Hills:
  • How come Lauren can’t follow simple directions? Weren’t they told they whilst working at Pubic Revolution they needed to wear black at all times and not show their “bobbies?” Well Lauren is in all white, like the angel she is, and I’m seeing a little cleavage right off the rack.
  • Audrina’s like Pigpen from Charlie Brown. Her closet is a shittin’ mess, like her life, with clothes jammed in all over the place and falling off the hangers. When she throws one of her outfits at token friend, Lo, Lo replies “is it c-o-t-t-o-n” making sure to pronounce all the t’s in “cotton.” I’ll give Lo a break since she is still a little new to the script and is still trying to work with her new nose and all.
  • Lauren apparently goes to Clown University because she got an A+ on her computer assignment. Do they grade things “A+” while you’re in college? And I love how she keeps calling it her “computer class.” What’s the class, really? I bet she’s just playing Oregon Trail on that computer anyway. Hopefully she’s the banker from Boston and doesn’t die of diphtheria or lose any of her oxen.
  • Heidi is back on her victory tour of “A Girls Night Out.” I can’t take it anymore. We get it. You’re fake single and want to play up your fake singleness by going out for a fake girls night out on your fake reality show. Why Sandy Sanders tells Heidi she looks the best on Thursday nights and that “everyone” goes to this one club in LA (when there are 1 million clubs to choose from) is beyond me.
  • SCRIPT EDIT: Heidi reads off “It’s old water under the bridge.” Really, Heidi? Really? Old water huh? Under what bridge, baby? And how old is that water? Now stop, take a breath and rethink that saying that you just said because it’s incorrect…that’s why you laughed after you said it because you know you are about 2 more incorrect sayings away from being forced by a team of medical professionals to wear Audrina’s helmet.
  • There’s so much to discuss about the “girls night out” at Goa. First off, Heidi actually tells Audrina that Justin Bobby is at the club and she calls him Justin Bobby….like she knows him, which she doesn’t. I mean, I’m sure they got to know each other at the weekly table read for The Hills, but she doesn’t know him know him. Then Heidi wants to play “bouncer” and make sure that Justin Bobby doesn’t come near Audrina…because that’s cool. Then Justin Bobby shows up and Heidi and him greet each other. Do they know each other really? I mean I’m sure they know each other from the covers of Us Weekly, but did they ever meet on the show? I’m confused.
  • Well it’s finally here. The Apocalypse. Stephanie Pratt (Sandy Sanders), Lo, Lauren, Audrina, Heidi, and Justin Bobby all sitting at the same table together. I’m pretty sure this is a sign that the end of the world is upon us. If only Cami from Laguna Beach was there as well I would head into my underground bunker.
  • Lauren decides to go home because there are too many people at her table that she can’t control.
  • So, um, when is Heidi going to correctly pronounce Audrina’s name. She keeps calling her “Uh-dreena” all in one breath. Isn’t it pronounced more like “Aww-dree-na?”
  • Holy Script Batman, Moment: We get it, Lauren, you guys are going to buy a house together. We don’t need you and Lo telling the cameras how often Lo stays over and how much more convenient it would be if you all lived together a house. We know you already bought the house. We saw the 15 page spread in Us Weekly 2 months ago. I do find it comical though that you think it’s a good idea to move so that you can go through all of your stuff and clean. Oh, I have an idea….maybe just clean your apartment and save yourself, oh I don’t know, $2.5 million because….um….that’s what you spent on your new house. That’s kinda a lot to spend when you’re just an intern, Audrina is basically a receptionist, and Lo does nothing. Just sayin.
  • Justin Bobby is back baby! And, it’s date night for him and Audrina….just like old times, but this time he doesn’t seem drugged out….and his teeth are as blindingly white as Audrina’s. It’s like he’s having a teeth-off dance-off with her. And the horrible “Hills” lighting makes him look 42.
  • Why does Justin Bobby keep bugging out his eyes after every sentence? Ok can we just say what neither of them will actually come out and say? Justin Bobby is off drugs, right? He went to rehab, right? And now he cleaned up his life, right? Sure the bugged out eyes lead me to believe all this, but I just want them to say it. Say “drug rehab” Justin Bobby Say it, damn it!
  • As a sidenote, I’m pretty sure Justin Bobby is wearing Lo’s “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego” hat from last season. It’s nice to share whilst on the set of The Hills.
  • When J Bob asks Audrina what she’s doing later in the night and Audrina says, “I don’t know,” Justin Bobby says “uh-oh.” Kids under 18, this basically means your favorite Hills character, Audrina, is going to get plowed like she’s never been plowed before by dear old Justin Bobby. Presumably there will be a lot of leather involved, perhaps some helmets (for protection) and possible a teeth whitening kit. Basically, Audrina is going to become a woman (again) tonight. Bom chica bom bom.
  • The morning after Audrina and LC are discussing Justin Bobby and Lauren has a knife so I’m pretty sure she’s going to use it on Audrina. Actually, I’m missing the majority of their conversation because I am sitting here in shock and grossed out watching that nasty cat sitting on the counter exactly where Audrina is making her breakfast. Seriously, that’s gross. I’ll have my grapefruit without cat hair please, thanks! Oh, and hold the cat saliva. Thanks.
  • Boring. Heidi and Steve Sanders have another scripted fight. Yeah, we see you guys all over the place so we know you’re still together. How about between seasons you all go into hiding and stop whoring yourselves out so that we can find The Hills a little more believable.
  • In conclusion, Lauren and Lo together are even douchier then one could imagine. I actually feel bad for Audrina as they basically tell her that they’ve been house hunting together and they ask her what she plans on doing. Such douche-bags. It’s like they’re those high-school bitches that just stay high-school bitches even 10 years after they’ve left high-school. I say Audrina moves in with Heidi. Doh! I just fell for the trap.

Next week on The Hills, Stephen is back to visit LC and it’s like Laguna Beach all over again! Oh, and apparently LC bought her house in 2 days and is all ready to have a house-warming party. It must be fun to live in the world of make believe.

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