Saint Jennifer Lopez Gives Birth

Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx just gave birth. Ay! Ay! Ay! Looking at the recent size of her, I’m assuming she gave birth in a cardboard box underneath the basement stairs, but regardless she pumped out 2 kids. Un muchacho y una muchacha. That’s Spanish for “a boy and a girl.” Thanks for teaching me Spanish, Dora the Explorer!
The girl was born at 12:12 am (while I was sleeping) and weighed in at 5 lbs 7 oz and is rumored to be trying out to be a fly girl. The boy was born at 12:23 am (while I woke up to go to the bathroom) and weighing in at 6 lbs.

Rumor has it that when it was taking the kids a long time to come out, J. Glow belted out such wondrous tunes as “Waiting for Tonight” and “If You Had My Love” until the babies bolted out kicking and screaming (similar to the way I react when I hear those songs).

We don’t know these names of these two yet, but I’d like to make the recommendation that we name the girl “Richer than Rich” and we name the boy, “Set for Life.” Anyway, congratulations Saint Jennifer and Ricky Martin on the birth of your kids. Me gusta la ventana!

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