Dear Sally Field

Please stop. No really, stop. I personally don’t think I can take another minute of watching one of your “Boniva” commercials. I get it, you have osteoporosis. Wait, do you though? Or are you just “acting?” I see you talking to the camera and telling me all about your friend that has to set time aside once a week to take her osteoporosis medication. What the hell does that entail? How long do you need to set aside once a week to take a pill and why are you making it seem like your friend is a caveman for doing so? If this person is truly your friend, I bet she’s pissed. Also, is that really your house in the commercial and is that really you cooking? I also don’t care to see you buying fruit at an outdoor market. Am I supposed to think, “Wow Sally Field is buying apples, I bet she’s on an efficient and easy to follow osteoporosis pill regimen!” Are you getting free pills? Has the Gidget money disappeared? I’m concerned Sally, but I’m glad that if you were to not get any more work after “Brothers and Sisters” and you were to throw yourself down the stairs, you probably wouldn’t break a bone.

P.S If you see Valerie Bertonelli, please tell her I don’t care that she can eat anything she wants while on Jenny Craig and please ask her why her and Kirstie Alley can’t seem to appear on the same set of the same commercial. Are either of them really that busy that they can’t film at the same time?