16 and Pregnant: Dora and the Cage Fighting Model

If it’s one thing I can’t get enough of it’s teens who trade extra help math sessions after school for a little ding-a-ling under the bleachers instead.  I say that in the least creepy way possible.  Too late.  This time around we get to know the glorious life of 16 year old Lindsey.  She lives in a tiny slot machine in Reno, Nevada with her mother and about 16 of her sisters…none of which look anything alike.  Apparently there are lots-o-daddies in the mix, which can always make for a busy and entertaining Father’s Day dinner.  I’m almost certain that Lindsey is really Bonnie Hunt and I take comfort in the fact even after her talk show was canceled she’s still making appearances on television.  There’s a lot to do in Reno, by the way.  It’s the city of big, yet extremely random dreams.  Take Lindsey’s for instance.  She wants to graduate high-school (dream big) go to college to become a police detective (ok McGruff), and become a professional cage fighter and, of course, a model.  It’ll be nice when she can solve her own murder Dateline special about the cage fighting model who got killed behind a casino in Reno.  Ann Curry will, of course, do the voiceover work, as she should.  As she should.

We cut right to the chase within the first 5 minutes of this educational programming when her friends all sit in a giant gazebo and ask her how she got herself into this disgusting mess.  Spoiler Alert:  Condoms were not involved.  I know.  I was as shocked as you were.  Lindsey said they used condoms a lot, but one time they didn’t use a condom and she never got pregnant…so she assumed you couldn’t get pregnant then if you didn’t wear a condom.  Yeah, because at the the end of the day condoms are purely dick decorations.  They’re kinda like the star on top of the Christmas Tree.  Look, maybe this chick shouldn’t have gotten an abortion but she should have had a ton of Pop Rocks and Coke and, well, just let the chips fall where they may.  I mean, if it can blow a seagulls head off its body, perhaps it could have given her virginity back…if ya know what I mean…because I don’t.

Lindsey’s mom, whose name I believe is something like Long Island Lolita, was all about the abortion.  At one point she left a wire hanger and an after dinner mint on her pillow with a Magic 8-Ball next to it.  Fine, I made that part up but I think that would have made for some great footage.  It seems like everyone is freaked out by this pregnancy because even her boyfriend, Forrest, left her after he found out she was pregnant, but later came around…probably at the same time the camera crew did.  I love how this 16 year old kid is named Forrest, and Forrest Gump came out in 1994…you do the math.  Let’s just be grateful he was born prior to the Pokemon movie franchise.  And I just kept on run-in’.

Whilst Linds Lo is fine with having her baby, whose name will be Aniyah (I know), she really is bummed that she can’t keep cage fighting because she was planning on going pro when she turned 18.  I’m not sure exactly what that means, but I’ll just pretend it means at 18 you get to beat the bag out of other lesbian’s inside a chain-link fence and not be obligated to wear a mouth guard.  Perhaps I’m wrong.  Who really cares.  She’s not going to give up on cage fighting, however.  She’s just going to put in on hold.  I think she should jump in the cage a few times now and just see what happens.  It’s like an “abortion for the poors.”  Cost effective and easy cleanup.  Also, I’m gross.  She’s staying away from the cage fighting gym (?) because her coach (Diddles McGee) doesn’t know she’s with child and she thinks of him as a father-figure and doesn’t want to disappoint him.  Yeah.  She probably doesn’t want him thinking the baby is his.

Lindsey goes through all the normal things that a pregnant girl who works at McDonald’s goes through, like pricing out everything she needs for the baby and thinking it’ll only cost $200.  Awww that’s cute.  I think food stamps are in this chick’s future.  And she also struggles with the living situation because she wants to bring up the baby with Forrest as a family but since they’re both only 16 they still live with their parents and, most likely, still have cartoon sheets on their twin beds it’s going to be tough.  Let’s just assume that.  However, she really thinks that Forrest should get a job because, you know, babies require money.  Forrest’s mother, Dora (YES!) doesn’t want Forrest getting a job until after he graduated from high school because she thinks it will just be too much for him.  Who cares about any of that.  Her name is Dora and this has just turned into the best day of my life.  I jumped off my couch, sat Indian-style on my rug in front of my television, and just kept yelling things like, “Where’s Boots?  Is Boots’ gonna be on this?”  and other favorites like, “Sing ‘I’m the Map.’  Sing it!”  and of course I wanted to know where “La Abuela” was hiding.  I even took the time to answer Dora’s questions after she asked them, but the odd part was that she didn’t pause to give me a minute to answer them.  This Dora is kinda rude and looks beat down, just like Future Dora probably will when Boots jumps ship.

Did anyone notice there seems to be a lot more animated pencil sketches this season?  I kinda like it.  I’d be ok with a whole crapisode of just pencil sketches.  That way they can simply erase the baby from the girl’s stomach or at least draw in a Nuva-Ring or some junk.  Either way, Lindsey thought she was going into labor two months early so she and her mom headed to the hospital just to be safe.  You kinda know her mom looked like she was holding out a little hope for…well I’ll let your mind imagine what I’m getting at.  The hospital ended up giving her a shot to help strengthen the baby’s lungs and make sure she didn’t give birth this early.  They sent her home and ordered her to bed rest, which I’m pretty sure Dora is on as well…just not sure why.  The whole time Forrest never replied to any of her text messages and never showed up to the hospital.  A few days later he ended up reaching out and wanted Lindsey to move in with him and his familia after she has the baby so they can raise the baby together.  It’s like a real sleepover!  Ole!  Boots is totally getting the top bunk.

Later, Lindsey did end up going into labor a little early but gave birth to a healthy baby girl who will most likely end up a teen mom as well and I’m sure I’ll be recapping that.  It was a 5 hour labor and looked like it didn’t tickle.  Things were going well, until there were some forms that needed to be filled out and her mom freaked the F out about Lindsey wanting to be an adult so she should be filling them out and blah.  She ended up tossing the papers Lindsey’s way and telling her to fill them out.  I’m sure she wrote a note on one of the forms that said, “Are you sure it’s too late for an abortion?  I’ll get the hanger.”  But, alas, it is too late. Linds Lo moved in with Forrest and Dora (and the map) in hopes that maybe Swiper would swipe that damn baby.  She ended up mending fences with her almost crazy mom and they swung by the cage fighting place (?) to introduce the baby to her coach.  Awkward.  Lindsey decided that she’s going to get back into cage fighting and practice it 4 days a week…and go to school…and work full time.  I’m sure all those plans will work out.  Hopefully she can fit in some modeling too.  Perhaps she can get into some online webcam modeling…if ya know what I mean.

Want to cage fight me?  Well then join me on my Facebook page and let’s get to kicking and junk!

Break Today

I heard some sad news last night that an avid reader of this crap blog has unexpectedly passed away.  The name, for this purpose, does not matter.  This person was someone who read here constantly, commented on the regular, and was extremely supportive of my ghetto writing career.  You know, this has actually happened a few times in the past 5 years that I’ve been writing.  And it never seems to get easier.  Words cannot express how much of a smile it puts on my face that we’ve created this highly dysfunctional community where we can all laugh and share our thoughts on the some of the worst reality television known to man.  We laugh.  That’s what this is all about.  Laughter.  We all take a few minutes out of our day and our problems to laugh with each other.  We forget our stress and our struggle and we smile.  And we’re not alone.  We never know how we are impacting someones life, it seems, until it’s too late.  The entire point of this site was built because I just wanted to somehow brighten someones day.  To this person who has passed, I know I have.  I only wish I could have done more.

I’m taking the day off in memory of this person and to regroup a bit.  I will be back next week and we’ll pick up again on the 12-year old jokes and constant gentlemen greeter references.  I won’t get on any type of soap box (as I do not own soap), but please check on each other.  If you know someone may be having a tough time or things aren’t going well.  Check on them.  Even if it’s hard for you.  It’s important.  We all matter.

Sorry for the “womp womp” blog post, but thanks for reading.  We’ll get back to normal next week.

-IBBB

16 & Pregnant Recap: The One With Selena’s Killer

Welcome back.  It’s time for yet another crapisode of “I’m Skipping Confirmation to Make Unprotected Love.”  This week we get to take a sneak peak into the life of Briana.  Apparently this chick wasn’t overly bricks because she graduated high school a year early.  However, per usual, there’s just one catch.  She may be a smidge late to her first day of Community College because…wait for it…she’s pregnant.  Who knew?  Regardless, ole!   What I liked about this group is that they’re originally from Brooklyn but moved to beautiful Orlando, Florida to most likely advance their careers as Minnie Mouse impersonators because I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason why you’d move to Orlando.  For those of you reading this from Orlando, please send all your hate-mail directly to the Magic Kingdom.  They’ll know where to forward it.

For me, this family is what I picture Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx and her relatives to be like.  I did find myself constantly shouting out, “The Bronx!” every time the mother walked into the room.  Speaking of “the mom” I don’t want to oversell this, but I couldn’t love her any more if I tried.  Let’s see.  How do I paint this picture for you?  The mother.  The mother.  Hmmm.  The mother 102% looks like Selena’s killer, especially during her “jail cell” Connie Chung interview and I wouldn’t want it any other way.  As if she couldn’t get any better, she’s also sporting standard Snoop Dog braids, as she should.  As. She. Should.  Briana’s sister, Brittany, is also a major character in this episode.  Apparently she also got knocked to the up around the same time as Briana and so they quickly played a typical game of “Hurry to the Abortion.”  Spoiler Alert:  Brittany won.  Brittany was like, “Get this zygote out of me and get it out STAT.”  Truth be told, I’m not exactly sure what a zygote is but I did once dissect a crayfish in 5th grade science class so let’s just say I’m an expert at abortions.  Right?  Eh, either way.

The major rift between the two sisters is that one got to get the abortion and the other got to keep her baby (Papa Don’t Preach).  This is like a modern day Parent Trap but with, you know, skanks and pregnancy scares.  So, basically like the real one from what I recall. It’s a real hoot when the parents in these shows reminisce on what it was like when they found out that their future meal ticket was “with child.”  Selena’s Killer remembers that Briana was so scared to tell her that she simply passed her a note whilst sitting on the couch.  I envision she did one of those origami games that all the girls would do in homeroom.  I wonder if she also found out she’s marrying a millionaire, having 4 kids, but living in a shack.  One may never know.  Later we also get to walk down memory lane with Briana and her friend Cherry (I can’t) who looks like a younger/older version of Aretha Franklin (before the magic weight loss)  on how she got herself into quite the pickle.  Evidently Briana and her boyfriend, Devon, had sex all the live-long-day, but only wore protection a couple of time.  Awww that’s cute.  Briana was too embarrassed to ask  him to “wear one of those things.”  Um, they’re called condoms.  And if you were comfortable asking him to stick his ding-a-ling into your “gentlemen greeter” then I think asking him to wrap it up wouldn’t have given you red cheeks like the Campbell’s Soup kid.  At the least you could have passed him a note.  Speaking of her boyfriend.  How should we say this?  Remember those “special episodes” Ricky Lake would have on in the late 90’s about men who were on the “DL?”  Yeah, well I’m not saying Devon would have appeared on that panel but there’s a good chance that Devon would have appeared on that panel.  Briana would have got herself one of them there abortions too, like her sister, but Devon painted this picture of a wonderful life together with the baby so Briana decided to keep it.  However Devon, like Waldo, is really nowhere to be found for the majority of this episode.  She should have checked the carnival.  It’s always to hard to find Waldo at the carnival, obviously because of all the other red and white stripped patterns with the tents and rides and all.

Since Devon is barely around, Selena’s Killer is there to help name the baby.  Since it’s a girl and she thinks she’ll be a star, she suggests naming her Nova…just like that terrible Saturday afternoon PBS show that we all grew up with.  Why do I feel this is the same way that the girls from Destiny’s Child got their name?  Regardless, Devon comes out of the woodwork and decides he wants to have lunch with Briana to see how she’s doing.  He decides since the first name is picked out already he’d like to choose the middle name.  I hope he goes with “Scotia,”  Nova Scotia.  It has a real nice ring to it.  I like how when these two are talking to each other they both look in different directions. Now I can understand why asking him to wear a condom was too much work.  Eh, at least she’s on television and, well, that’s everyone’s end goal.  It is, isn’t it?  I just assumed.  Oh, also, Devon is a complete douche bucket.  Next time you’re outside the Magic Kingdom and going through a Taco Bell drivethru, let him know I said that.  I’m kidding.  He’s sans employment.

I have to admit, besides killing Selena, Selena’s Killer is really a good mom. She’s going to financially support Briana and Nova Scotia during the first 2 years so Briana can go to college and then by the time the baby is 5 years old, Briana will have a career…most likely in either VCR or air conditioner repair.  Later a fight ensues between the Menendez Sisters when Briana wants everyone to watch a DVD of her ultrasound and make her beans for dinner at the same time.  Apparently you never demand someone in the J Lo house make you beans because the sister will lose her mind.  Beans gives you a case of the means, apparently.  She starts screaming about how she’s not the queen and just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean she’s disabled.  In a nutshell, I love her.  I actually felt bad for her because I feel like her mom tricked her into an abortion, but is totally cool with her other daughter having a baby and will take care of it for her, basically.  Womp womp.  A sidenote, do you know how many fights the members of Destiny’s Child got into over beans?  A lot.  A real lot.  Why do you think they kept on replacing members?  I bet the E! True Hollywood Story never told you that, did they?  See?  You learn here at IBBB.

Since Briana is about to go into labor at any moment, it only made the most sense that she and her friends went to a haunted house.  I think it’s a good idea to scare the baby out of her.  And, at the same time, when a baby starts to drop from her cooch that rest of the people at the haunted house will just think she’s part of the show.  She would have just been like, “Ugh, you wanna keep it?” and then she would have scurried to the hayride to enjoy her new found freedom.  “A modern day Harriet Tubman” no one would say (except me). To no surprise, the haunted house didn’t really agree with her so they had to go home early and hours later Briana was off to the hospital to give birth to this child.  I love how since a camera crew isn’t allowed in the hospital, we basically get to watch the labor and delivery via a cell phone camera.  After 7 hours of labor, a lot of screaming, and Briana saying she just wants to take a shower, she gives birth to a healthy baby girl named Nova Star.  I’m pretty sure Nova Star is also the same of an electric company, but who am I to judge?  My name is IBBB.

Devon actually made it to the hospital to see the birth of his daughter, but decided to peace out the next morning to go and play basketball with his friends/have sex with strangers under a bridge.  This pissed off Briana and crew so they decided not to put his name on the birth certificate.  Oh no they didn’t! Once Briana is home for a little while with the baby she decides it’s, of course, time for a makeover so apparently she cuts her hair to make her look more like Sondra from The Cosby Show during that season that she surely regrets.  Why she decided to immediately give herself a mom-do is beyond me, but I do think it’s a great method of birth control.  For the remainder of the crapisode we only see Devon a few times.  At one point he comes over after a couple of weeks to see the baby with his “friend” and he basically sits on the couch and texts on his phone the whole time.  Jerk.  Later he invited Briana out to dinner so they can talk and then he never shows up and Briana has to call her mom to come and pick her up.  That was actually kind of sad…as sad as that haircut.  I feel like she went for Rihanna but ended up with Nancy Regan circa 1986.  In the end, Briana and her sister (who is actually being nice and helping out a lot) are sitting on the couch and wrapping things up and Briana says that Brittany made the right decision to have her abortion…and if she could do it over…she would have had an abortion too.  Awww that’s so sweet.  She really should leave that type of sentiment for Nova’s Christmas and birthday cards.  I know it’s too late for an abortion, but she could still take Nova to the sketchy part of town, staple a bunch of $20.00 bills to her diaper, and just let the chips fall where they may.  I don’t know, it’s more of a thought than a strategy.   Bidi Bidi Bom Bom.

Want to chat about knocked up teens?  Well then join me on my Facebook page, but of course!  And don’t forget to click on the Facebook “Recommend” buttons to share this with your friends!  If I get more than 250 “likes” the Taco Bell dog will dance across your screen. Ole!

More 16 & Knocked to the Up Recaps:
Mackenzie and that Damn Rodeo

Getting to Know, YOU!

Time for another installment of Getting to Know YOU! Here we take a look at what words people are typing into Google and somehow landing on ImBringingBloggingBack. Brilliant. As always, I list out my favorites of the recent past and add my own thoughts after. Enjoy it, but not too much.

• what happened to farrah’s asian friend? (we’ll let Debra, the prosecution, and a court of law answer that)
• im bringing blogging back myspace (Google 2007?)
• why does amber’s mom talk funny (lack of money)
• ambers sister died from skids teen mom (I’m not making this up)
• did snooki say vinnie raped her (is this like fan fiction?)
• stupids (simple, to the point, and accurate)
• two headed girl engaged (there’s two lids for every pot)
• angelina jolie is a skank (aniston is relentless in her searches)
• grinch sex (ho-ho-ho?)
• horse riding innuendos (like um, “she’s really riding that horse?”)
• ladies tools (insert lay-up joke here ______)
• mary kate olsen toon (dream come true)
• britney spears se le ve la vagina (welcome international traffic!)
• camel toe school (wow they really do have a school for everything!)
• cat sitting on second keyboard (for what?)
• decorating the church for christmas (wait is that, like, sex code?)
• do you like lindsay lohan freckles (no, lindsay, I don’t)
• does isis from antm have a willy (nope, she freed it)
• how can i become a wig model (just apply…no one else is)
• mrs garrett’s rack (yes!)
• your a failure (you’re a failure)

16 & Pregnant Recap: Don’t Take Away Someones Rodeo. You Hear Me?!

Start manufacturing cement corks for your daughters woo-woo because it’s time for another season of “Condoms Make Better Water Balloons Anyway!”  I must admit I was really starting to miss watching young girls make horrible decisions, yet still make it on television and probably do better than me on the regular.  We kick things off this season with a blond girl sporting some LC braids named Mackenzie.  She’s from Miami…but not the good one.  She’s from Miami, Oklahoma which apparently is part of a state that still exists.  I just assumed we sold Oklahoma to France in exchange for the Statue of Liberty and Audrina’s berets.  However, history has never been my strong suit.   Nor grammar.  Nor spelling.  Or anything involving intelligence.  Anysluts, Mackenzie is a cheerleader who likes to tumble and has big plans for her future but there’s just one catch.  She’s 16 years old and while the rest of her friends were trying to get on top of the pyramid during cheer practice, our little Mackenzie Not Good Enough To Be a Phillips was busy doubling down on some dinky-doo under the bleachers of Missing Front Tooth High School (M-F-T-H-S Fight Fight Fight!) with her boyfriend Josh.  We’ll get to him in a moment.

That moment has come.  Josh is your typical Oklahoma dude, in my humble yet 100% accurate opinion based on fact and a grainy picture I once had seen in my 7th grade Social Studies book.  It goes without saying that Josh has a love for all things “rodeo” and has a tough time stringing sentences together.  That’s probably because he’s had multiple concussions due to falling off the bull one too many times.  Don’t fret, my friends (oh yeah), because Josh has given up riding bulls for riding wild horses instead.  It’s safer after all those concussions, y’all!  The concussions must have impacted the part of this brain that allowed him to wear anything except cut-off t-shirts all the live-long-day and a white hat that rests awkwardly on top of this head.  A light breeze is surely to knock it off.  I’m talking about both his hat and himself off of a wild horse.  But you knew that.  In typical 16 & Where’s My Pitocin fashion, sub-titles are typically used for when Josh speaks, which is good because when he opens his mouth all I hear is dueling banjos and a sheep getting banged on a stack of hay in a large red barn under the moonlight of a humid summer night whilst fireflies act as romantic candles.  You hear the same thing, right?

Mackenzie loves cheering so much that she even goes to practice with her stomach hanging out at about 7 months pregnant.  That’s cute.  While all the other girls are being tossed around to and fro, you totally know Mackenzie wants to take a shot of bleach and “have at it” on the trampoline. Ironically enough, I’m pretty sure that at 16 years old and knocked to the up, “trampoline” is also Mackenzie’s nickname.  Speaking of names, since there is wood paneling represented all throughout the house of any of your standard “poors” it’s time to start thinking of names of this here baby.  Of course we learn that Josh would like to name it “Doe-Shot” if it’s a girl and “Buck-Shot” if it’s a boy.  Awww that’s cute and never found on a pencil or sippy cup.  I think since this couple is bricks, per usual on this show, they should name the baby Dip-Sh*t.  It’s a nice compromise between both of Josh’s ideas.  They end up settling on Gannon, if it’s a boy, which I believe is Irish for “The Makers of Activia.”  I could be wrong, but you know that’s doubtful.

This show follows the same format of most of the shows in this beloved series.  That means it’s time for the mom to have a heart-to-bricks talk with her daughter about how she got herself in this little pickle of a situation.  Apparently Mackenzie never wanted to take birth control because she was afraid she was going to get fat.  I mean, that makes sense.  I also hear she didn’t want Josh to use a condom because she didn’t want to balloon up.  See what I did there?  Yeah, me either.  Well, sorta.  I was on to something and then just called it quits.  I would have spent more time on that joke but I didn’t want to get fat.  Saved!  Oh, and you know how spotting a puffy leather couch statistically means you’re living in a house of “the poors?”  Well I’m running the same study for when a teenage girls bedroom has one brightly painted wall that they lean up against on the regular.  Seriously, every one of these skanks-in-heat always have the bright wall which we can assume is painted with lead paint…like the Chinese tried to do with Dora’s face.  Nice try but we’re on to you!  And who gets to paint their room when they’re little?!  Certainly not me.  When I wanted my room painted I was simply told, “No, we’re paying for Catholic School.”  I mean, that was pretty much the answer to everything, including why is there 29 days in February this year.  Go figure.

Josh and Mackenzie like to do all things that normal teens with humans living inside them like to do, like go to the carnival and get kicked off the Ferris Wheel since apparently your baby can explode if exposed to certain heights.  They also like to pick up the phone book and just call random businesses to see if they’re hiring and then ruining their chances by spilling the beans that their only 16 years old and 7 months pregnant.  You want to know what I was busy doing at 16?  Getting my braces tightened and wondering when my pubic hair was going to arrive.  Mackenzie’s mother wants to know how Josh is going to contribute to this baby (read that again, but in Barb’s voice) and his answer (presented with sub-titles) was, “Plan to get money was rodeos.”  I mean, WTF.  In this case WTF, of course, means Wash That Face.  I think Mackenzie and her dad have the right idea on getting money by recycling their soda cans.  They collected $52 dollars!  Wow.  That should probably get them a box of diapers and a bar of soap.  I guess I shouldn’t joke.  There was an Asian lady in my neighborhood who paid for all 6 of her kids college education that way.  I’m sure she didn’t use the whole, ‘We’re paying for Catholic school’ as an excuse.  Ahem.

We later learn that Josh’s brother has the same speech problem as Josh.  Although he does give him some words of advice about quitting the rodeo for Mackenzie and Gannon which is, of course, “Don’t take away someones rodeo.”  Truer words have never been spoken.  I once knew a girl who tried to take away this guys rodeo and he shot her.  Well it wasn’t so much a rodeo as it was a cell phone.  And it wasn’t so much shooting her as it was punching her in the head.  Fine, I’m talking about Rihanna and Chris Brown and I don’t really known them.  Moving right along.  Josh ends up getting in a bad car accident, which we learn about through a series of pencil sketches brought to you by the talented folks at MTV.  Apparently he’s in the ICU and needs to wear a neck brace because he really F’d up his neck.  I assumed he got kicked in the head by a bull during potential intercourse, but I think everyone would rather just stick with the “car accident” story.  I’m fine with that.  However, with that clunky plastic neck brace I have no idea how Josh got his cut-off t-shirts over his head.  And, not for nothing, but someone cover him up.  I mean I’ve seen more exposed nipple during his last 5 minutes than I did whilst watching your standard crapisode about anything Kardashian.  Hey-oh!  Anyway, it looks like Josh is going to need neck surgery to repair some nerves, etc and it may impact his brain…no joke.  I hope they fix the part that allows him to speak in complete sentences.  I know a West Virginian geneticist that can help.  Facebook me if you want his contact info.

Finally, Mackenzie heads off to the hospital because her vagina is about to explode and never be the same again…without a little needle and thread at least.  Evidently the baby was so God-damn big that after 7 hours it was time to go in for a c-section.  If you were thinking we were going to take a shot over hearing the term “pitocin” you are sadly mistaken.  They weren’t joking about that size of that baby.  They say he was 9lbs 7 oz but he looked like he was 12 years old and has a mustache and an attitude.  The remaining parts of the episode are standard.  They show them going home and the baby crying all night long as these young new parents need to get up every 45 minutes.  Seriously, the baby won’t stop crying.  I decided to put my TV on mute because, well, I didn’t get anyone knocked up so why should I have to suffer through this?  Josh is busy selling his rodeo gear for some cash-money and Mackenzie is getting ready to go back to school and “tumbling” class.  Yeah that’s a good idea.  Throw her around shortly after her stomach was cut open and her insides were removed.  Seems safe.  Eh, at least she can do splits again without her vagina falling off.  After going back to the rodeo (of course) and fighting with Josh because he wants to ride again (even though he has a 98% chance of dying if he falls off) Josh finally decides to quit the glamorous and flashy life of the rodeo and eventually get a real job that doesn’t involve dirt and a stop watch.  He should try can collecting.

Before you send the hate-mail, no I won’t be recapping the 2nd hour of 16 & Pregnant that was on last night.  I’m taking a stand and not committing to 2 hours of anything in my life.  However, you can join me on my Facebook page and tell me all about it because, let’s face it, people like to talk about Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant on there about 17 times per day.  So at least you can stay up-to-date.  Ole!