Newport Harbor: The Bikes

Ah Laguna Beach, I mean Newport Harbor. What a great show. After watching the latest episode I’ve realized that the most interesting thing of the episode was the bikes that Chrissy and crew seem to ride throughout the episode, but we’ll get to that in a few. Here’s how this crapisode of Newport Harbor went down:

  • The episode kicks off with Chase and Taylor breaking up. I think it had something to do with the police because they kept saying, “No you’re a cop” to each other. Weird.
  • Enter “the bikes.” What the F is up with the bikes that Chrissy and Sasha are on? First off I think they got these bikes off the set of The Brady Bunch. Second, do they even know how to ride these things? No joke they’re swerving the whole time while riding them. Third, why do they have squeaky toys on them? And 4th, how are they filming this scene? Is the camera crew on a truck or are they just walking and filming it because Chrissy and Sasha are peddling at 1 mile per hour? I have a feeling we’ll see these bikes again.
  • Clay and his random ass friend “Austin” go for a slice of pizza. Austin kind of has the “Gotti Boys” hairdo but without the gel. Basically his hair is feathered all over, especially in the back. The sides of his hair looks like he was going for the Charlies Angel look. Maybe he was. To each his own.
  • Is everyone on this show called either Clay or Chase? I’m confused.
  • Steve Sanders Jr (Grant) is out on a scripted date with Taylor in which I believe he is wearing a black valour shirt. It could be a valour track suit. It’s hard to tell. During the dinner date, Steve Sanders Jr suggests going to the hot tub and Chase tries to call Taylor but she won’t answer. Wait, I’ve seen this whole thing before during Laguna Beach. No joke, do they think we’re stupid? This show is exactly the same as Laguna Beach, even the storylines. It’s like when “The Office” came to America. Each episode of the first season was the same as the British version of “The Office.” At least the was technically overseas. Newport Harbor is down the street from Laguna Beach. Get original!
  • Oh, and by the way, we get it. Verizon and Motorola must sponsor this show. I think they showed the Verizon and Motorola phones 15 times in this episode.
  • Chase goes over to Chrissy’s house and kisses her. Luckily they didn’t show it.
  • In another “same exact scene from Laguna Beach,” Chrissy and Taylor “bump” into each other at a clothing store and give awkward looks at each other while they look for clothes.
  • In another “same exact moment from Laguna Beach,” the guys are having a poker night and the girls crash it. Oh wait, this is completely different than the Laguna Beach episode because in the Laguna Beach episode of poker night they were drinking out of RED keg cups and in the Newport Harbor poker night episode they are drinking out of BLUE keg cups. Completely different.
  • At poker night, Clay doesn’t talk to Chrissy so the next day she rides her Brady Bunch bike over to Clay’s house to have an awkward and scripted conversation. Clay is pissed at Chrissy and she sadly rides her bike away, swerving the whole time. Awesome. Wear a helmet ya freak!

I feel like I should watch Newport Harbor on life support.

Newport Harbor: The Bikes
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