I've Been Insulted By SPAM

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Similar to the way that Tyra lets us all into her life by showing us her real hair, I’m letting you all into my life by showing you a little bit of my inbox (giggity).  I do this for a good reason.  You see, the SPAM emails I receive are usually very complimentary….probably because they want me to transfer hundreds of thousands of dollars into a bank account in the Baltic Sea before their 3rd leg is cut off and sold by their father to raise money since their mother was gunned down by the Prime Minister from All of God’s Churches.  It’s the oldest story in the book.

This time, however, Ruthbaby Love is claiming she found me on a dating site.  While that part isn’t true, I give Ruthbaby Love bonus points for using such hip American phrases like, “decided to drop you a few lines.”  However, the real zinger is when she says to me, “I have taken time to see the age difference us but really age they say is a number.”  Well, I never in all my life!  That skank just called me old.  Sure she forgot to type in about 5 different words in order for the sentence to make any kind of sense, but I’ll blame that on the pressure of getting her 3rd leg cut off. 

A relationship with me and Ruthbaby Love would never work out.  I may be an old douchebag, but even I have standards and her sweet love-talk was very insulting.  Although, she does have a point where she says she’s looking for a man like me that understands the need to love and be loved and, well, this mail did find me in a perfect healthy state of mind, so, well, why the hell not?  I’m going to give it a go with Ruthbaby Love.  I’ll keep you all posted on how our relationship progresses.  I can’t wait to hit up the nightlife in the Baltic Sea!

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