You know how sometimes your favorite restaurant gets shut down due to money troubles or, you know, a rat problem? Well if you’re reading this here blog from Nigeria you’re probably crying into your email spam account because according the cracker-jack reporting over at The Mirror a restaurant was shut down due to illegally serving and selling human flesh. Now I don’t know all the laws, but I’m pretty sure that’s one that the police frown upon.
But wait, it gets better. The police arrested 11 people and found two human heads that were being prepared for roasting! Truth be told, I have heard that human head mixed with kale and some flax seed is not only great for your protein intake, but also helps shed some belly fat. Cooking Tip: Just remember to remove the weave and earrings prior to roasting. Simmer for 15-20 minutes. Serves 4.
As insane as all of this is, perhaps my favorite part was the quotes from “the locals” who said such colorful things as:
“We always saw weird people coming and going.” I think that’s suspect as you’d expect to see people coming, but never going.
And then my other favorite was, of course, “I ate at the restaurant and the bill was very high,” said a local pastor to ‘Your Jewish News.’ I mean. You mean to tell me this guy was more upset at the price of the bill than the fact that he may or may not have swallowed an entire head? I find it offense he complained about the price to Your Jewish News and, well, you should too.
In the end, boys and girls, I think the real takeaway is to steer clear of Nigeria. Unless, you know, you have to do a money wire transfer since your email alerted you that you’ve won a sum of $25 million and this money will help the King of Nigeria’s wife, who’s on her death bed, score some new legs. Then, of course, you go. You go quickly.