2 Minute Recaps: RACK IS BACK!

Back by popular demand is “2 Minute Recaps.” A spinoff of “Harriet Carter Wednesday,” watch my favorite Harriet Carter model, Rachel Platt, host this online cooking show like a champ. If you’re new to this, check out the explainer by clicking here. Now that we’re all settled, here’s my craptastic recap of this weeks episode of …er…..YOWZA:
  • So, er….um….hmmmm. Hmmmmph. Hmmmm. Ummm. Errrr? Hmmm. Hmmmmmph. So, like, uh, Rachel went out and bought herself a brand new rack with all that Harriet Carter modeling money I assume. Holy pigs in a blanket! I didn’t even notice that there is a NEW CHEF because I was literally lost in Rachel’s rack-attack that is not only hanging out of her shirt, but can easily be burned by the pan. Boobs in the pan alert!
  • This new season of 2 Minute Chef brings us new camera angles, new camera shots, new host boobs, and a new chef. What happened with Chef Will? Who the hell is this dude? Wait, is that The Rock? I’m pretty sure that’s just a skinnier version of him.
  • Wow will ya look at Rachel. She’s all easy and breezy this time around and she’s slurring her words a bit more. I like her better already.
  • So, uh, did Chef “Mario” literally just come off the soccer filed before he filmed this or does he have practice right after this segment is over? And did Rach go into her hairdresser and say “Give me Dina Lohan’s hairstyle…STAT!” I’m so confused. It’s like when they replaced Darren on Bewitched and just never said anything. I feel betrayed. Thanks “Will.” Jerk.
  • At least the new boobs haven’t made Rachel any smarter because she’s already back to asking such questions as, “This is on the stove?” and “What cheeses, what cheese is this?”
  • Oh, I forgot to mention they’re making Artichoke Dip…although I’m pretty sure they’re actually making “Birthing Juice.” Gross.
  • For the love of God her boobs are huge. I’m sorry. I’m shocked.
  • Seriously, that dip looks gross. They dig right into it and it’s as soupy and watery as Rachel during “ladies days.”
  • Ok so that ends another random ass segment. There were some technical difficulties throughout this, but clearly Rachel’s new rack kept us all preoccupied. Chef Mario will have to do for now, but why does she keep calling him honey? For some reason I’m assuming this isn’t a sexual thing.

Until next time!

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