Marie Osmond to Get Divorced, Burn in Hell Because of It

Ultra-smiley Marie Osmond is reported to be getting divorced to her husband of 20-years. Wow, way to be a big quitter Marie! Marie has issued this well written statement:

“Though our marriage is ending, we continue to have a very amicable relationship. Our marriage has always been a faithful one, and neither of us is assigning fault for the divorce.”

Yeah, I’m going to say it’s probably a little bit more your fault, Marie, than your husbands (Brian Blosil). I mean, after you got that horrific face lift that literally gave you “cat-like facial features” was there really anywhere to go, but down? I think not. Aren’t you supposed to be super religious? Does this mean that you will be burning in the fiery pits of hell? If so, at least I’ll have a friend there. I’ll bring the sun block and you bring those marvelous teeth of yours! Good day. Oh, and bonus points for me finding this picture of Marie Osmond doing her best “Squiggy” impression from Laverne and Shirley.

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