More Mindless Stories on ‘with child’
16
Matthew McConaughey Pregnant
This actually isn’t a joke. He really said that….like that….in those words. I’d assume Matthew would continue on by telling others, “Well yeeee haw! Me and my special lady have gone on and done it again and are havin’ ourselves a fancy lil offspring. Yeeeeee haw (guns in the air)! Y’all see I dipped my business in Camilla’s naughty bits and next thing we’s know was that she was all pukin’ and cryin’ every mornin’. I strapped her to my roof of my truck and we’s took her to the doc. Doc said, well whatdaya know. Y’alls havin’ a kid. So there we are. Yeeeee haw!”
Seriously this 3-month old fetus already has more money than I’ll ever see in my life and it’s father is Jed Clampett.
Who Claims This?!
Matthew McConaughey Pregnant
10
Pam Anderson May Not Be Pregnant
While everyone is saying that Pamela Anderson Lee Rock Hep C Solomon is knocked up I’m going to go against the grain and say that Pammy Pants may not be pregnant. I figured enough is enough with the rumors, so I decided to contact Pam directly. I quickly hung up my phone when I realized that I do not, in fact, have her phone number and/or know her. So I did the next best thing. I went to her blog to see what she, brilliantly, had to say. Pam has said, “No, No” on a blog that was posted today. Perhaps she’s saying “no” she’s not pregnant. Perhaps she’s saying, “no” you shouldn’t add two cups of sugar to your blueberry muffins recipe. One may never know. However, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Pam is not “with child.”
19
Jamie Lynn Spears Pregnant & White Trash
A representative for Jamie Lynn “Spread ‘Em” Spears has said, “We respect Jamie Lynn’s decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation. We know this is a very difficult time for her and her family, and our primary concern right now is for Jamie Lynn’s well being.”
If I could reach Jamie Lynn for comment I think her response would go something like this, “We’re country ya’ll. This is what we do. Don’t you?” Then she’d spit out the hay she was chewing on and fire up two shotguns in the air while yelling “yee haw!”
Honestly, I don’t even think I knew what my bits and pieces were for when I was 16. Clearly, Jamie Lynn (yee-haw) has been showing her boyfriend her gentlemen greeter. I mean I don’t want to say anything, but it looks like Jamie Lynn just “one-up’d” you, Ali Lohan! Now get your ass out there and start dancing or something.
Anyway, I’m sure that Jamie Lynn will do the right thing, but I do just want to throw out there that my 8th grade nun did teach us kids how to perform an abortion by using a simple coat hanger and a Hoover vacuum. Sure that sounds horrific, but before you send me the hate mail, please note that our 8th grade nun really did tell us this….and then she said, “Ok kids, lunch.” No joke. Amen.
05
I Said Halle Berry Was Pregant 1 Year Ago!
Seriously I said that Halle Berry was pregnant over 1 year ago and see I was right! I mean that would technically make Halle Berry 15 months pregnant, but I still feel like I was right. Halle was chatting it up with Access Hollywood when she did confirm that she was knocked the hell up with potentially the cutest bastard child this side of the Mississippi. Halle told Access Hollywood,
27
Lindsay "With Child" in Rehab?
Is Lindsay No Pants “with child” while vacationing at Promise of a New Day Rehab in Malibu? Not really, but every other blog tends to circle the stomach of a celebrity and question if they’re pregnant, so I figured why not jump on the bumpwagon. More importantly, Lindsay went for a hike while in rehab with some other rehab goers. Do you think they’re psyched that they’re pictures are going to be plastered all over the place? Oh well, that’s what they get for having a “problem.” You want to have a drug and/or drinking problem? You get your picture taken. Next time you want to do “the drugs” you remember that. Actually, I say if you’re in California you should start doing drugs because chances are that when you check yourself into rehab you’ll get to make friends with a major celebrity. Hmmm, I should head out to CA.
