More Mindless Stories on ‘with child’
Dec
01
01
Who in the Holy Hell Knocked Up My Little Olsen? Please Leave Me Your Name.
Sing along if you know the tune:
“My little Olsen, pregnant Olsen,
I love to brush your Tanner-like hair.
My little Olsen, knocked up Olsen,
I can’t take you anywhere.”
Mary-Michelle-Kate-Ashley-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen is allegedly “with child.” Have mercy! This is all according to the National Enquirer because the Olsen in question is said to have gained weight lately that has her tipping the scales at 102 pounds. I shit you not. That’s really what they’re basing this on. Couldn’t she just be off the crack…not pregnant?
Oh Jesus. Papouli must be rolling over in his grave. Oppa!
May
30
30
This is Just a Simple Mistake, Really
While many sources are claiming that Clay Aiken is going to be the father of his producers, Jaymes Foster, baby there are some that are saying this story is completely false. I’m sure this is just a simple mistake and that facts were just accidentally mixed up. Perhaps Cynthia Nixon’s lesbian life partner is the one who’s knocked up and they just assume she was standing with Clay Aiken. Eh, they’re both butch bitches. It’s a common error.
Anyway, Jaymes Foster is the 50 year old sister of producer David Foster…while little Clay is only 29 small years old. I don’t even think he can get an erection….at 29. Ask your parents what that means, kids. The story goes Clay artificially inseminated Jayme (who may be due in August). Oh, and by “artificially inseminated” I actually mean “Clay had a wet dream and then Jayme did splits on his sheets.” That’s how that works, right? Go on girl!
May
29
29
Ashlee Wentz Knocked the Holy Hell Up!
In news that I thought was confirmed 4 weeks ago, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz have announced on Pete’s website, friendsorenemies.com, that they are in fact “with child.” Just when Ashlee thought she’d never have to see her old nose or chin again, looks like she’ll be giving birth to it around December 2008.
Here’s what the shotgun couple had to say:
“While many have speculated about this, we wanted to wait until after the first trimester to officially confirm that we are expecting our first child. This is truly the most joyous time in our lives and we are excited to share the happy news and start our family.”
While Pete certainly wreaks of day-old douche, I guess they’re right for waiting for the first trimester to pass before making it public. This got me to thinking. I think I’m going to follow a random person on the street that has a little bit of a stomach and shout at her “I think you’re pregnant.” Then I’m going to take pictures of her every day and put them on IBBB with arrows that say “baby bump?” I wonder if it’s just as fun when it’s not a celebrity. Stay tuned.
Feb
26
26
Jodie Sweetin Pregnant. Uncle Jessie, Where Were You?
Update: Even though I linked multiple times to the source of a sweet Jodie Sweetin story, they contacted me and requested I remove the pictures and shorten the story. Lame. I’ve decided to remove all of it, including their links, but I added a photo of Stephanie Tanner in her bee costume, just because. Geesh. Papouli would be extremely disappointed in them. Feel free to discuss your favorite Full House moments here. Boooo to them.……….
Oh I hope Jodie does a reality show. I totally want Ant Beck’s to make guest appearances along with DJ’s old boyfriend Steve, and that kid that played Stephanie’s friend “duck lips.” Then, on a bi-weekly basis they could specifically discuss the episode in which Papouli died and Michelle tried to cry, but looked like she was taking a crap while hugging Uncle Jessie. Hmm, speaking of Michelle, who’s going to explain to her how Stephanie got pregnant? Maybe Uncle Jessie and Ant Beck’s can demonstrate. They’ll call it “doing their taxes.” Bonus points for those of you who remember that episode.
Feb
25
25
They’re Not Buying the Next Kid
There may be some financial troubles for the Jolie-Pitt’s because it looks like they’re getting more kids the old-fashioned way….by making them. Sources close to Angelina (and my eyes) are telling us that Angelina and Brad are expecting a new baby and they are “very, very happy.”
Uh-oh, way to rain on J. Lo’s parade. How dare Angelina try to trump the baby news of Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx!
Angie and Bradly were all waxy smiles on the red carpet at the Independent Spirit Awards over the weekend and Angeluney made sure to pose to the side so that everyone could see and take pictures of the human that was growing inside her stomach. It’s great that they’ve adopted in the past and it’s also nice that they have kids by “making sexy” in the bedroom. They really are a well-rounded couple. I also don’t know what that means.
Poor Jennifer Aniston. She’s just trying to get a date to bring her to Easter Dinner, nevermind a 4th kid.
