More Mindless Stories on ‘whitney port’
02
I Always Knew Whitney Port Was a Nazi
After working for Lisa Loveless and Blessed Mother Kelly Cutrone, it was only a matter of time before Whitney turned into a full fledged Nazi. Hey oh! Sadly, this is the most interesting thing I can say about Whitney. What am I thinkinK?
Whitney Port, sporting some aqua blue spandex, hailed a cab in chilly NYC yesterday. Yup, she was. Whitney is in New York City to film scenes for upcoming crapisode of “The City” before she leaves again for LA. At last stalking, the scenes she filmed were in Greenwich Village in the snow. So, apparently we’ll be looking for an episode where Whitney is put into a full body cast after trying to walk on snow.
I’m pissed off that I never see Whitney anywhere in the city….and I look….all the time. Sometimes as I’m walking I just yell, “Whitney?!! F’n answer me! Now!” Surprisingly that really clears out the crosswalk.
16
It’s Just Like an Episode of “The City.” Olivia Palermo and Whitney Port Don’t Talk to Each Other.
Whitney Port and Olivia Palermo were both subconsciously listening to Kelly Cutrone by wearing almost all black while attending the Mercedes Benz IMG New York Fashion Week Fall 2010 event in Bryant Park (NYC) the other day. Similar to an actual episode of “The City” it is rumored that while both were at the same shows, conversations between the two were almost nonexistent, which is very odd to me as you would assume both would have so many insightful things to say.
In other random Whitey Port news, it’s being drunkenly reported that Whito-Palooza is now dating Ben Nemtin, the dude from MTV’s other “reality show” The Buried Life.
Check out other pictures of Olivia and Whitney during Fashion Week below. It’s amazing that Olivia can keep her head up.
20
She’s So Fine, There’s No Telling Where the Money Went
The lights are on, but you’re not home, you’re mind is not your own. Might as well face it you’re addicted to love. Kristin Cavallari, only missing her guitar and additional backup dancers, was all pissed-off looks while she attended the Us Weekly’s 2009 Hot Hollywood fiesta that took place in West Hollywood. That’s California, my map says. Other guests who attended that I deemed note-worthy and by “note-worthy” I, of course, mean “brain-rotting” were Whitney Port, Stephanie Pratt, and Joel McHale. Obviously I tossed in Joel McHale as he is my career inspiration and his time on The Soup must be winding down. Check out my lazy thumbnails below and see if you can figure who some of these headless pictures belong to.
05
Well Look What the Scripted Cat Dragged In!
I guess there’s no reason to watch the next episode of The City because the photo above is showing that Whitney and Ozzy Bobby are still together. I’m going to take it an assumption further. It looks like these two are married. It looks like Ozzy Bobby is impregnating Whitney as they walk out from STK in LA. It looks like Whitney is 4 centimeters dilated and Ozzy Bobby is mouthing the words to ask me to be the Godfather of their bastard child. I hope Sleepy Time Allie is the Godmother.
Anycowbell, Whitney was out celebrating her 24th birthday. Ah, I remember the days of being 24. I had just got off the Santa Maria, hi-fived Columbus, and signed my name on Ellis Island. It may not have happened in that order, but that’s what I recall. Good day.
27
Whitney Behind the Wheel Kinda Makes Me Fear for My Life and the Lives of Hundreds of Thousands of Others
2 important things to note. (1) Whitney is about the drive while she’s in LA and I’m betting she’s about to hit 4 people, pop one tire, slam into 2 guard-rails, and spill her coffee all over her lap. (2) Who knew that Whitney had a bum-bum to show off? I didn’t think Whitney had it in her. I mean, I guess it makes sense, sort of, because Lauren Conrad waited a few episodes to show off her mustache, so I guess it’s normal that Whitney would wait a few episodes to show off her ass. Circle of life, people, circle of life.
As a sidenote, Whitney needs a haircut of some kind. The rolled out of bed look doesn’t work for her. And tell her to give LC back her “name necklace.” What was she thinkinK?
16
“The Bangs Monster” and “Gappy Tooth” Ain’t No Audrina and Lo
What are we into now like 25 or 30 episodes into The City? I’m pretty sure I’ve seen at least 27 episodes. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t seem to really warm up to The Bangs Monster or Whitney’s other sidekick, Gappy Tooth. Because of this I’ve decided that their actual names aren’t important. Regardless, how come Olivia is never photographed at any of these events? Perhaps Whitney and Ozzy Bobby killed her? Maybe that’s in the season finale?
AnythinK, Whitney Port and her stragglers were all awkward smiles while attending some fashion shows and after-parties in NYC during fashion week. Speaking of which, didn’t fashion week just finish about 2 months ago? Is fashion week once a month?
Be sure to check back at IBBB tonight at 10pm EST where I will be live twittering/blogging The City. That’s right. If even one person “shows up” to this, I’ll be shocked. Ole.
13
Whitney Shoots Scenes for "The City." What is She DoinK?
Ugh. Looks like the producers/creators of Whitney’s new Hills spinoff, “The City” are already giving up. You know how on The Hills now they don’t even bother shooting scenes of Heidi in her “actual” office because they know we don’t believe she works there? They just have her sit in the lobby and they’re like “Fine. Cut. That’s a wrap everybody.” Well I feel like they must already be doing this with Whitney. Did they just photoshop her into this New York scene? I mean, I only ask this because Whitney’s feet are not even on the ground and, let’s face it, the concept of Whitney knowing how to talk on her cell phone and jump AND film a scene at the same time isn’t too probable.
10
Whitney Port Does "The City." Or Is it "CitK?"
What a real craptastic treat it will be for me to be able to to recap 2 horrific shows on a weekly basis. As if my social life couldn’t be more in the can we add this to my white-trash plate of crap to do. Oh well. I’ll do it for my country and I’ll do it for Whitney.
Here’s a little about the show according to Us Weekly who seems to blow anything “Hills” related every chance they get.
According to the release, Port, now a Diane Von Furstenberg employee, reunites with “a best friend from her past” and meets “a guy she’s head-over-heels for.”
“Surrounded by all new friends, pursuing a fresh love life and starting to work in the upper echelon of the fashion industry is a lot to navigate for a new girl in the big city… especially one who has everything to lose,” the release reads. “In a city full of people with their own agendas, Whitney will have to quickly decide who she can trust and who to stay away from.”
I’m not going to lie, I may tune in simply for the fact that I am anxious to actually hear Whitney try to pronounce, “Von Furstenberg.” Who else thinks she’ll be calling her, “Van FurtenberK?”
Lauren is said to be happy for Whitney because she’s such a “likable person.” That is true. Whitney doesn’t drizzle douche when she’s on The Hills, so I don’t know how much drama there will be besides the dead-on assault Whitney will lead against the English language. It’ll be worse than me trying to spell on this here blog. Cripes! Good luck to the both of us.
Whitney, I’ll be looking for you every day now that you’re in NYC. If you feel someone tackle you with a laptop, camera, and cell phone….don’t try to fight it. It’s just me.
This will be interestinK and as I saiT before, Whitney is a real prize who should do well on her own. I lie.
06
Whitney’s Hills Spinoff???
I can’t believe this might actually be happeninK! Everyone’s favorite advice giver on The Hills, Whitney, may in fact be gettinK her own “Hills” spinoff. Santa Claus, you really are a miracle maker. You too, Jesus!
27
I’m Showing Picutres of Whitney Port Again Because It’s My Blog and I Make the Decisions…Well, Me and Jesus, and Jesus Likes Whitney Too. Cool?
The Hampton’s just got a little more exciting, thanks to Whitney Port. Did that sound fake? Anyway, everyones favorite Hills character has made it onto the cover of Social Life and was in the Hampton’s to celebrate. Now these photos aren’t as exciting as the other day when Whitney’s boob popped out of her dress while eating at The Ivy, but they’re still decent.
20
Uh Oh! Whitney Forgot Her Bra!
Ruh-Ro Rorge! What is Whitney doinK? First Audrina flashed her rack-attack and next thinK you know, Whitney Port, from The Hills, heads out for a little lunch at The Ivy and forgets to wear her bra. Luckily hardly anyone, especially the paparazzi, take pictures at The Ivy so I’m sure no one even noticed. Whitney ate up a storm and never noticed once that she was basically tits to the wind. I say “good for her.” If they used some of this footage on The Hills, perhaps season 4 would be even better than season 3: part 2.
18
The Hills: Whitney Hates the "C" Word
Just because the craptasic Hills is over for the season, doesn’t mean we can’t still stalk our favorite scripted cast members. This time, I’ve done a little detective work and tracked down Whitney from The Hills to see what in the hell she’s been up to. Apparently some interesting news is that her last name is Port. Port. Riveting. Anyway, Whitney was in NYC celebrating “Happy Day” with Clinique at Bloomingdale’s recently. This consisted of her wearing orange, smiling, and writing stuff with a black Sharpee. Clearly the fame has gone to her head. While Whitney Port (Authority) was working the Clinique event she then took to the ice in Central Park and answered a few questions from the NY Metro newspaper. Apparently she has never read my award winning interview with Elodie from a few months ago, but these questions this dude asked were way worse then mine. Here’s how it went down:
Love.
What is your least favorite word?
Probably a bad word, but I can’t even say it. [Spells out] C-*-N-T.
What turns you on?
A sense of humor.
What turns you off?
Arrogance.
Waterfall.
People chewing or crunching on food.
Bitch.
Maybe some sort of athlete. I was ice skating today, so maybe a figure skater.
Hopefully that I’ve been a decent person.
The Hills: Whitney Hates the “C” Word
Who Claims This!?
Who Shot That Orange!?
