I’m Sorry, Tori, What Letter is That Supposed to Be?


Tori Spelling, her husband Dean, and Glee’s Jane Lynch were all backstage at Good Day New York yesterday and it appears Tori got a little confused on which way the “Glee L” was supposed to go.  I guess it makes sense since Donna Martin had a learning disability and all.  And, I guess, with all the steps Donna was thrown down, by Ray Pruit, I’m sure we’re dealing with a little brain trauma as well.  So, yeah, Donna you’re doing just fine.  That’s totally how an “L” looks.  Good for you.  Ok.  All right.  You can sit down now and have a little of your juice box before your nap.  Ok.

Tori and Dean are on a NYC talk show blitz promoting the piss out of their reality show which I believe is called, “Donna Martin Graduates” and telling anyone who will listen that their marriage is not in trouble.

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Donna Looks Like She'll Break When Ray Throws Her Down a Flight


Tori Spelling may have recently just shot a human out of her Wonka Vision, but apparently she’s already lost the baby weight and just in time for her comeback in the new 90210.  Even some of her trademark Donna-Rack-Attack appears to be magically disappearing too.  Tori was snapped at whilst leaving a salon the other day in sunny LA.  I don’t know, you guys, I kinda think that if Donna is going to be thrown down the stairs again by Ray Pruit she’s going to need to gain a few extra pounds and bulk up in order to withstand the fall.  A real actress wouldn’t use a stuntman for this.

Anydonnamartingraduates, Tori returns to 90210 on March 31st (I didn’t even know there were 31 days in March…is that new?) and below is the clip that flashed across my television and gave me hope that one day we may also see Donna and Ray reunite over a set of concrete stairs.  No joke, with my new job I pitched a Donna and Ray reunion.  Didn’t go over so well.  Gulp.  I will get this reunion one day, damn it, I will!


Soggy Tori Spelling Shoots Wet Scenes for 90210 (That Sounded Dirtier Than I Meant It. I'm Keeping It).




All I have to say is that Donna Martin better be running away from Ray Pruit because he tried to throw her down the stairs for the 2nd time and Kelly Taylor is helping Donna by rushing her to an anonymous women’s shelter where they’ll give her a change of clothes, a new cell phone, makeup for her bruises, and a map to her new secret home in Nebraska.  That better be what this scene is about or I’m not going to tune into the new 90210 to watch it.  Who am I kidding?  I’m watching it anyway.

Tori’s looking good these days after she blew her second child straight out of her vagina.  The weight just peaced out of her body.  Good for her.  See how f’n nice I can be?  In other related 90210 news, Shannen Doherty and her spaced-teeth have agreed to sign on for at least one more crapisode.  I hope Kelly, Donna, and Brenda all play “Skeleton’s in the Closet” again.  Maybe they’ll even invite Andrea and she can show up in her nana-flannel-nightgown.  Let’s pray for this.  Let’s pray.

Tori Spelling FINALLY Back on 90210! Get Ready for Those Stairs, Donna!

No folks, you’re not dreaming. These are actual photos of Donna Martin and Kelly Taylor filming scenes for upcoming episodes of 90210. Between Jamie Walters on that Confessions of a Teen Idol show and Tori Spelling back on 90210 it’s like the Perfect Storm for Donna to get thrown down a flight of stairs. Honestly, I would probably give all of my 401K (which basically totals $11.41) if they would just recreate that scene.

So basically Kelly and Donna are sipping coffee on the porch in this scene. Perhaps, Kelly could say to Donna, “Donna, don’t you love the smell of this coffee?” To which, Donna could EASILY reply, “I’ve lost my sense of smell ever since that time that Ray pushed me down the stairs, remember?” And then they could show an updated scene of that episode. See how easy it is? Oh please oh please let that happen.

P.S, I’m glad Tori is back to work on a legit show. I like how we live in a world where everyone is given a second chance.

Now's Your Chance, Ray! Donna Martin and Tori Spelling Set to Fix the New 90210!

Seriously, was it not just yesterday that I blogged about Tori Spelling coming back to 90210 and now People Magazine is reporting that Tori Spelling is in final negotiations to bring Donna Martin’s sweet as back to television. No joke, she better sign the contract because I don’t know how many more times I can “report” on this. Hahah, I just said “report.” I’m a professional.

Now, as far as the rumors go, random drunken people are saying that Tori was waiting for Shannen Doherty to finish up her contract so that the two wouldn’t have to work together. Oh, and by “random drunken people” I, of course, mean me and by douche-bag friends.

I say Shannen should stick around, along with Jennie Garth, and now Tori Spelling. Bring back Valerie and, of course, Ray Pruit so he can….wait for it…..wait for it…..wait for it…..toss her down a flight of stairs! Ding! Ding! Ding! If I could ever interview Tori Spelling I would only ask her questions about that episode and then I’d see if she would allow me to reenact it with her. One can dream.

Just when I stopped watching the new 90210….they….just….might….suck….me….back…..in.


Ray Pruit Should Start Greasing the Stairs, Because Tori Spelling May Be Back in 90210!

So either she’s coming back or she isn’t. That’s pretty much where we stand with Tori Spelling coming back to 90210. However, E News is now reporting that producers are in talks with Tori again to guest star on a bunch of episodes and possibly even specific episodes that Brandon Walsh will direct.

Look, I’m not getting my hopes up….again. So many times I’ve dreamt of the day in which Donna Martin would come back to town, bump into a balding Ray Pruit, and then (of course) get tossed down a flight of stairs.

Maybe they could fulfill all of my dreams and have Tori Spelling play 2 parts. Similar to the episode of The Brady Bunch where Peter played two roles, Tori could play both Donna Martin and….wait for it…..wait for it……Violet Bickerstaff. Violet, of course, was Screech’s short-term girlfriend in early episodes of Saved By the Bell.

Please Jesus Claus make this happen. Please Santa Christ, give us something this holiday season. Times are tough enough as it is.


Looks Like Someone is Camera Ready to Be Tossed Down a Flight of Stairs by Ray Pruit!

I know I’m going to get crap for this, but I think Tori Spelling is looking good. Ok, I must confess something. Who reads the book The Secret? Me too. So they say you should put positivity out there then you can get things you want in return. I want Donna Martin back, ok. I said it. I want Donna Martin back in the new 90210. I want more Donna Martin graduates. I want more Donna Martin getting tossed down a flight of stairs by Ray Pruit. I want more Donna Martin in sexy lingerie with red hair whilst laying on the bed waiting to give it up to David Silver. I want more Donna Martin catching her mom having an affair. I want more Donna Martin wearing crazy prom outfits that don’t allow her to sit down. There are all the things I want. So, I’m putting positive Tori Spelling vibes out there so that this happens. We’ll see if it works. Scratch that. We’ll see WHEN it works.

Anymartin, Tori Spelling and her husband spent a little time on rojo carpet at the TV Guide Emmy Afterparty. I’m not sure why there are half-dead flowers on the ground behind her, but I’ll let that slide. Although, I’m almost certain that flowers do fall out of Tori’s vaginastein. Uh-oh, that doesn’t hurt her chances of coming back to 90210 does it? Drat.


Ugh! Tori Spelling Doing Other Things Besides Being Donna Martin

Seriously enough is enough! Tori Spelling was out with her two kids, Liam and Stella, wearing what I can only assume is a nightie and I’m pissed! I no longer need to see Tori with her kids or basically doing anything else but practicing to be the best up-to-date Donna Martin she can be. This will include wearing big dresses in which she is not able to sit, getting thrown down a flight of stairs by Ray Pruitt, and telling the world she is a dyslexic virgin. Oh, and not being able to graduate since she got trashed off of champagne at the prom. She should ONLY be photographed doing those things.

Similar to the “Best Brenda Walsh Quotes” I am adding the “Best Donna Martin Quotes.” Enjoy. Oh, and I’m a loser. Enjoy!
  1. I was brought up believing I’d wait till I got married. I just can’t wipe that all out because of how my body feels.
  2. What’s left for me? Dye my hair? Get a boob job?
  3. I promise I wouldn’t get in the way, I’ll be like Yoko Ono or something.
  4. So I was blitz shopping Melrose yesterday, and I see Jockey for her, Calvin Klein for her, BVD for her. Now I don’t get it, I mean I don’t see them making Maidenform for him.
  5. If your looking for a wild night, I’m not your girl, okay?
  6. So, anyone know any good divorce songs?
  7. Donna Martin graduates! Donna Martin graduates! (fine she technically didn’t say it)
  8. Owwwwwww! (when Ray pushes her down the flight of stairs)


Tori Spelling Dresses Up Because, You Know, That’s What You Do

Clearly money was no object on the People Magazine “set” for Tori Spelling and her husband to reennact famous couples from yesteryear. Tossing on some vintage clothes and dropping a green screen in the background is all you need. Tori and Dean dressed up, from what I hear, for a music video they were shooting for their reality show because, you know, you need a music video. Tori, time to hang up the reality show and put all of your focus on bringing back Donna Martin, specifically the scene where Ray tossed you down the flight of stairs. I’ll be waiting.

Here’s who these two are posing as:

  • Tori played the role of Cher with her rack-attack hanging out and Dean did his best Sony. Apprently Sony used to snap his fingers a lot? Great acting, Dean.
  • Next up Tori played Courtney Love and Dean played Kurt Cobain. Nice job holding the guitar. Very believable.
  • Finally, Tori played the role of Lucille Ball, in which apparently Lucy used to pose like that. On the other side, Dean played the role of…..Phil Hartman?

Seriously, what is the reasoning behind this? And how much are they getting paid for this. Yes, I’m jealous. I would dress up as the entire cast of 90210 and The Hills for $19.99 and chicken soft taco.

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So Why Do Tori and Dean Look So Pissed?

Geesh! What’s up with The Addams Family? Tori Spelling and her wife, Dean, were looking less than pleased whilst they attended the Christian Audigier: The Nightclub inside of Treasure Island in Vegas. Seriously, Treasure Island is a dump. It’s like Circus Circus. Stay away. Anyway, is anyone else noticing that Tori and Dean seem bored with everything they’re doing lately? I’m not going to start a rumor because, at the end of the day who really cares, but my prediction is that Tori will be bailing on the marriage by season 2 of the new 90210. Dean’s holding her back. You can kinda tell.

Oh, and by the way, I’m usually wrong with these things about 97% of the time. Helping to prove that theory, it’s been reported that Tori is pushing for 90210 to add Dean to the cast as a guest star that will lead into something more permanent. That way, Tori and Dean can carpool with the kids to the 90210 set. What a dream come true! By the way, why bother carpooling when you totally know that Andrea Zuckerman is driving a shuttle bus back and forth throughout Beverly Hills, which is sort of ironic considering she was hit by a bus in the earlier seasons of 90210. I also have no idea what I’m talking about. Good day.


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