More Mindless Stories on ‘tomkat’
Jun
14
14
Katie Gets Tom’s Haircut
Now did Katie get Tom’s haircut or did Tom get Katie’s haircut? It’s a tough one. It’s like what came first, the chicken or the egg? Tom and Katie left their bratty kid at home and had a nice dinner quiet dinner at Cut restaurant in Beverly Hills the other night. As a side note, when did Katie turn 42? Isn’t she like 26 or something? What a waste. She could be out every night of the week having the paparazzi take pictures of her “lady business” or she could be taking part in the latest trend, “prison sentence.” Oh wait, she kinda is serving a sentence right now. Eh, she’ll learn.
Jan
17
17
The Most Expensive Celebrity Clown Car
Beep Beep! Here comes the talentless mobile! I never knew that a car actually existed that could fit all of my least favorite celebrities. No joke, after the Golden Globes party, one of their cars broke down so the following people all had to squeeze into one car: Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx (rode shotgun, of course), Poshtoria Spice, Marc Anthony, Katie Holmes, and Tom Cruise. Tom rode bitch, go figure. I can’t even imagine what the conversation must have been. I’m sure Saint Jennifer Lopez put in her “Jenny from the block” CD, while Tom tried to convert the entire backseat to Scientology. Meanwhile, the driver must have fought with his thoughts of crashing the car and putting an end to his misery. Who Shot That Car Load of Talent!?!
Nov
28
28
Tom and Katie: The New Sonny and Cher?
Please tell me this isn’t actually true. I mean, I love to be able to hear things and I do NOT want to go deaf at such a young age. The Sydney Morning Herald is claiming that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are going to re-record the song, “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” after Tom sang that to Katie at their wedding.
Allegedly, record labels are a little nervous about this as they feel it will be a huge hit and don’t want to lose money on it due to Scientology.
This makes me nervous, very nervous. I think it will be popular, but more like “William Hung” popular. Imagine the music video? I bet Tom will do all of his own choreography. I also totally feel that it will be very similar to the episode of Saved By the Bell when Jesse and Slater sang “How am I Suppose to Live Without You.” For your viewing pleasure, I’ve added that clip as well. What can I say? I’m a giver.
Nov
20
20
TomKat Officially Married, Again!
How many times can two people have the same wedding? And more importantly, why does it look like Katie Holmes has a comb-over mullet? Katie and Tom spent $2.5 million on their Italian wedding (cheap bastards), but that wedding was more just for “show.” The rep of Tom and Katie (possibly Xenu) confirmed that their official wedding actually took places earlier in LA. So, basically just as I always suspected this wedding was more of a skit with a lot of guest stars. I’m tired of talking about these two. Hopefully we won’t be hearing from them until their divorce, which my guess will be July 2007. See you then. Hopefully Katie’s Rogaine will start to kick in by then and she won’t need the comb-over anymore.
Nov
17
17
Suri Loses More Baby Fat Than Tom
Suri must have a rigorous workout because she has lost waaay more baby fat than Tom has. Is he kidding with the double chin? Don’t most people try to lose a pound or two before their wedding? And it’s not like he’s packing on the pounds for a big movie role, as he is “without work” for the time being.
It’s almost time for the wedding and everyone is already arriving for this circus, except Oprah who never made the cut. Too bad. Dream bigger next time Oprah. Jim Carrey, Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx, Jada Pinkett Smith, and the paparazzi were the first to arrive for the wedding. I hope they got Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx to sing during the ceremony. I would love to see that. Oh, but I wouldn’t want to hear it, just see it.
Is this whole thing a little insane? When you really think about it, it kinda is. I feel like Tom and Katie feel like they’re royalty. And where the hell are Tom’s other kids? I saw one photo of them and they looked miserable. Have they even been introduced to Katie yet?
Anyway, the wedding is taking place in the next day or two. My money is on Tom crying like a little bitch throughout the whole ceremony. Congratulations, in advance….sort of. Not really.
