More Mindless Stories on ‘tomkat’
19
Oh Well Isn’t Everything Just Perfect in Suri’s Life!?
Oh so she gets to dress like a princess and share a special made-up handshake with both Mickey and Minnie Mouse? Eh, life must be tough. I bet Suri Claus didn’t even have to wait in line like the rest of the 45,391 kids who don’t even get to shake Mickey’s hand let alone look at him. I bet some 250 pound bodyguard stood over her with a golf-sized umbrella so that the sun didn’t make her too hot or have to squint. Yeah, life’s a challenge. Look at the way she’s looking into the camera with that mocking “I’m better than you” look in her eyes. You’ll pay, Suri Claus, you’ll pay!
18
Eck! How Drunk is Suri!
Seriously, what a mess! I mean, how drunk is Suri!? Tom Cruise may be all over the place promoting the ever loving piss out of his new movie, “Hitler Was Just Misunderstood” but he should be tackling some family issues, stat. These family issues are, of course, Suri being a fall down drunk. Look at her! She’s so trashed she has to be carried out of Katie Holmes play, “All My Sons.” And did you ever notice how Suri seems to slur all of her words all of the time? Even Katie is forced to carry Suri’s brown paper bag of wine. Someone get Suri the help she needs and get her the help now! Is there a height restriction to checking into Promises Rehab?
12
Katie Continues Her Reign of Never Showing Her Teeth
Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise were all awkward poses at the LA premiere of “Tropic Thunder.” Wasn’t Katie just in NYC the other day with Suri Claus? How did she get to LA so quickly? She must have access to some type of machine that gets you from one side of the country to the other. Those tricky Scientologists! They’re relentless with travel!
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05
Katie Runs Marathon, Tom Wears Tucked In Turtleneck
Katie Holmes ran the 26-mile New York Marathon, while Tom wore a tucked in turtleneck and waited for Katie to finish. I wonder if Katie is building up her endurance to finally make a run from Tom and Scientology. Forget that, Scientology will always end up finding you no matter where you run and hide.
Bonus points to Katie for almost giving a sneak peek of the cameltoe. Marathon Cameltoe? Could be a first. I’ll look into it. Tom is about a pants size away from showing a little cameltoe himself (shutter). Why are his close always 2 sizes too small? Do people still wear turtlenecks? Do they still tuck them in? Diddler, yes. Real people, not sure.
Sidenote, why didn’t Suri run? She’s so f’n lazy. She at least could have walked the rest of it if she got to tired to run. You KNOW Bindi Sue Irwin would have run it. Way to bring up a real quitter, Tom and Katie. Way to go.
18
Tom, Katie, and Crew Still Dress Like A-Holes at Every Sporting Event They Go To
The Cruise-Beckham’s were out in full force to show a little support (and a ‘man-crush’ for Tom) for David Beckham and Real Madrid vs. Mallorca. Are the three characters seen above for f’n real? I don’t care how much money you have, why are you wearing that to any type of sporting event. Ever been to the bleachers in Fenway, Poshtoria? Yeah, you’d be thrown into the field with your kid still stuck to you. Sadly, Katie looks the most normal, but it’s doubtful she has any clue where she is or what she is doing. She almost seemed puzzled with the “clapping motion.” Next up is Poshtoria. I’m sure every little kid wants there mommy to be showing up to daddy’s soccer game with her boobs hanging out. And finally, we have saved the best for last. Yes, Tom is wearing what looks like a possible 3 to 4 piece suit to a soccer game. Suit to a soccer game. Suit. Soccer game. Suit. Soccer. I mean he does have a point. How in the hell are you supposed to down some beers and hot dogs if you don’t have your cuff links securely fastened to your bright purple-pressed shirt. And there’s absolutely no way in hell you fully enjoy yourself if you’re not wearing your 5 button suit vest buttoned all the way up. Clearly, they all blend in.Who Shot This Crew!?!
