Tom and Katie may have been enjoying their Sunday at the Red Bull US Moto Grand Prix in Laguna Seca, CA but that doesn’t mean that I’m not doing to see behind those half-tinted sunglasses, Katie Holmes. Seriously, she looks dead. Dead in the eyes and dead in the body. Wasn’t Katie Holmes hot at one point in her life? Isn’t she like only 26? What in the hell happened? She literally seems lifeless. She’s not even fun to look at anymore. Thanks, Tom. At this point I think that it’s unfair that they have earplugs for the noise, but I don’t have a blind fold whilst looking at these pictures. Give me my old Katie back. You know, the Katie that was on Dawson’s Creek that was all whiny and had bad teeth? But at least she had longer hair and didn’t look like she was a walking corpse.

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It wouldn’t be a new month without some new “Is Katie Holmes Pregnant” rumors. Katie Holmes and her elf-life husband, Tom Cruise, took their bowl-cut-sporting daughter, Suri, out for a little America the Beautiful festivities in Colorado and even though they may have tried to take the focus off Katie by placing a couple of American flags into Suri’s head and Tom wearing a cowboy hat, all are looking at that 1 inch space at the bottom of Katie’s sweater that shows some of her robot stomach that isn’t looking as flat as the public would like it. Therefore, people immediately assume she is pregnant. Personally, I say leave her alone and let her live her life! No, I’m totally kidding. I say she’s a little bloated and is trying to drum up some press for her that new Broadway play she’s in, “All My Sons” that isn’t selling well. It would have helped a little more if Katie placed one hand on her stomach and the other hand on her back. Come on, get with it Katie. Whore.

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What’s that saying? Couples who dress alike…..are f’n douche-bags. Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes really brightened things up in all black whilst attending The Country Girl while in New York City this past weekend. Tom does his best shit-eating-grin and Katie does her best to look like a 42 year old mother of 4 who is going out for a special “date night” with her husband who got the night off from working at the factory. Remember when Katie was cool when she was on Dawson’s Creek? Ok, well she wasn’t cool but I thought she was kinda hot in a “I wouldn’t hit on you if you weren’t on TV” kind of way. But now, every time I see her I just think “middle aged mom.” She looks like she’s two steps away from combing her hair up and to the side and putting on one of those green hospital gowns that those Polygamy Sect women in Texas wear.

Who Shot The Cruise’s!?

It’s nice to see the visual definition of “shit eating grin.” Katie “Curly Sue” Holmes and Tom Cruise were robotic hand in robotic hand at the “First Annual Essence Black Women In Hollywood” event at the Beverly Hills Hotel the other night. This is fitting as I’ve always viewed this couple as 2 strong black women.

They do say that couples start to look like eachother after a while. I actually think Katie has replaced her old teeth with a little something more “Tom tooth-like.” I would also like to take this time to state that Katie Holmes is 29 years old. 29. No, not 49. 29. She looks like she’s about to shoot a commercial for Boniva.

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Katie Holmes ran the 26-mile New York Marathon, while Tom wore a tucked in turtleneck and waited for Katie to finish. I wonder if Katie is building up her endurance to finally make a run from Tom and Scientology. Forget that, Scientology will always end up finding you no matter where you run and hide.

Bonus points to Katie for almost giving a sneak peek of the cameltoe. Marathon Cameltoe? Could be a first. I’ll look into it. Tom is about a pants size away from showing a little cameltoe himself (shutter). Why are his close always 2 sizes too small? Do people still wear turtlenecks? Do they still tuck them in? Diddler, yes. Real people, not sure.

Sidenote, why didn’t Suri run? She’s so f’n lazy. She at least could have walked the rest of it if she got to tired to run. You KNOW Bindi Sue Irwin would have run it. Way to bring up a real quitter, Tom and Katie. Way to go.

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