More Mindless Stories on ‘tom brady’
Tom Brady and his supermodel girlfriend, Gisele Bundtcake, were hand in hand walking through the streets of New York City yesterday. As you know, Tom Brady’s knee is basically being held together with gum, sugar-water, 3 popsicle sticks, and hope. Therefore, he’s out of commission for the entire Patriot’s season. Oh don’t worry, we’re doing fine. Gulp.
Being originally from Boston many people have asked me if I’m pissed at Tom Brady for missing out on the season. Pissed? No. Nervous? Sure. Ready to jump off the bandwagon? Never. Keep in mind the Pats sucked for good 2,054 years before they ever actually got good. Even though Brady doesn’t get to play I am still jealous of him as he is still rich and able to bang his supermodel girlfriend on a regular basis now. Brady is still winning in the end, football or no football.
Bridget Moynahan may have tried
to curse the Patriots until the cows came home. She even got herself knocked up…probably as a way to mess with Tom Brady’s head. I’m sure the Colts paid her to do so. Regardless, it didn’t work, as last night my New England Patriots just finished a perfect season. Perfect, you know, kinda like how Jessica Alba was to me before she too got knocked up.
Anyway, I may live in New York now, but I was lucky enough to be able to watch the game in Boston last night. There’s nothing like watching your team make history in your home town. Here’s what went down:
- Pats became the first team to go 16-0 in the regular season (sidenote, Yankees suck)
- Tom Brady broke the record for the most touchdowns in the regular season (last night he passed Payton Manning).
- Randy Moss broke the record for the most touchdown receptions in a season with 23 (Jerry Rice held the record with 22).
- The Pats scored a record setting 589 points this season (they beat out the Vikings who had 556 back in 1998).
The Giants put up a good game, but in the end the Pats won 38-35 and now have 2 weeks off before the real games begin. Bridget Moynahan also has 2 weeks to perfect her next attempt at cursing the Patriots. Nice try Moynahan. Nice try.
Bridget Moynahan is relentless. I’ve been saying that she’s been trying to sabotage the Patriots since she got knocked up 10 months ago and by “knocked up” I mean “tricked Tom Brady into getting her pregnant so she could use her kid to F up our Patriots season.” Just wanted to be clear on that.
Now Tom Brady wants to ask for some days off throughout the season so he can cart himself allllll the way to LA to see his son John Edward(s) Thomas Moynahan. As a side note, can we throw a few more names in there? Then, Tom Brady turns into a bit of a pussy when he tells People Magazine how he cuddles his son. “I kind of cuddle him like a football.” Thank for slowly turning him into your “sister,” Bridget. Tom continues, “I’d love to be out there all the time, year round, but it’s hard to make that a reality. I live here [Boston] but I’ll start lobbying for off days throughout the year.”
Great. Thanks again Bridget. I’m calling DSS on your ass. And, yes, I’m blaming you if we don’t make it to the SuperBowl this year. No pressure…ruiner.
New father to a bastard child, Tom Brady was finally showing his Boston pride while in Boston with girlfriend, Gisele. Strange how Tom wears Yankees hats while in New York. I mean, I don’t want to say “traitor,” but I will. Traitor. Seriously, who’s going to mess with Tom Brady? I’m sure he’ll be fine if he wears his Red Sox hat while in NYC.
Anyway, Tom an Gisele were in the Back Bay of Boston having a little lunch when some paparazzi snapped this picture. Who knew paparazzi were in Boston!? Meanwhile, bad luck Bridget Moynahan is allegedly pretty bitter over Tom not being there during their pregnancy and spending his time with Gisele. Uh, yeah probably because she’s a supermodel and you had gained like 400 pounds. I mean this wasn’t exactly Sophie’s Choice. Bridget did not add “Brady” to the babies name and I guess the time spent in the hospital between Tom and Bridget was awwwwwkkkkwwwward. And so are the days of our lives…
Thanks IBBB reader, Janine, for the heads up on the Boston pic. In thanks, I give you nothing.
Who Claims This!?!
Tom Brady: Boston Fan When in Boston
I knew it! I said it about 6 months ago that Bridget Moynahan would find a way to ruin the New England Patriots and now it looks like I just may be right.
Thanks to Bridget Moynahan being a knocked up trash heap (no fault of Tom Brady), Tom wants to take a little time off to to spend some time with his baby once it is shot out of Bridget’s “gentleman greeter.” Great, thanks Bridget. We don’t need a quarterback this season.
Tom has said, “Bill [Patriots coach] has a lot to say so we’ll deal with it when it happens. Certainly there are a lot of people making sacrifices for their family and I’m dealing with a certain situation, a very joyous, happy situation.”
Uh, ok Tom. Whatever you say. Know what a very joyous and happy situation really is? Getting to have sex with your supermodel girlfriend, Gisele, not taking time off this upcoming season to spend time with your kid. Get some priorities. There’s a war going on in Iraq! Ok, so that doesn’t have to do with anything, but people seem to say that a lot and I felt it was fitting. Thanks for nothing Bridget.
***UPDATE*** Bridget Moynahan just gave birth out of her”gentleman greeter.” It’s a boy. Now get back to work.
Who Said That!?!