More Mindless Stories on ‘this time last year’
Feb
27
It’s time for your favorite “lazy Friday” segment, “This Time Last Year.” Basically, I post what I was blogging about this time last year. Catchy title. Anyway, I was red with secondhand embarressment when I read how pumped I appeared in anticipation of Oprah’s new reality show. What a let down. Anyway, here’s what I was discussing about Oprah….this time last year.
I cannot wait for
Oprah’s new reality show to start up, called “
Oprah’s Big Give.” I was hoping they’d title it “
Oprah’s Big Hips,” but after many letters I sent to ABC requesting this were returned I guess they decided to stick with the original title. Boring. Anyway, I’m not really a big fan of
Oprah’s as I feel that people who came from nothing and had to overcome many horrific obstacles in their lives should not be rich later in life. Nope. The only people who should be rich are those that had privileged upbringings without struggle…especially none filled with dirty molestation – but I digress
and digest as I am eating whilst I type.
Moving on. I’m pumped about her new show because I KNOW it’s going to chock full of
Oprah yelling and repeating herself and then yelling again. And I saw in the preview that John Travolta is making a cameo so I will be sitting by with a beer and some popcorn just to hear
Oprah yell, “JOHN TRAVOOOOOOOLTA!” I’m hoping the focus is mainly on
Oprah, though, and not the contestants. Actually, if someone could just film
Oprah all day long (perhaps by using one of those fancy helmet cameras) I would quit my job and dedicate my life to watching
Oprah just live life.
Alas that will not happen, so here’s how the show will go down. Each contestant is given a photo, directions, and $2500. In five days you must change the lives of the needy and less fortunate. What they “don’t” know is that in the end, the person who raises the most money actually wins $1 million. Or as
Oprah will probably say, “$1 MILLION DOLLLLAAAAAAAAAARS!.” I can’t freakin’ wait. I’m beside myself with excitement. The only thing that would make this better was if Della Reese was
Oprah’s co-host.
Feb
20
Happy Hangover Friday! Burp! If you like reading what IBBB wrote about this time last year then you’ll love reading about what IBBB wrote about this time last year. See how that works? What wonderful things was I typing about the Olsen Sluts….this time last year…..
The Olsen Sluts are in the process of writing a coffee table book that will feature “the most interesting, challenging, creative people we know” – said one of the Olsen’s. It doesn’t matter which one said it. What’s ironic is that I’m currently in the process of writing a coffee table book about how I suspect that coffee stunted the Olsen twins growth. It will be more of a “who shot JFK” approach where I will try to trace back Uncle Jessie, Ant Becky, and Uncle Joey sneaking cups of coffee to Mary-Michelle-Kate-Ashley-Tanner-Gibbler-Olsen on the set of Full House. Now I haven’t found anyone who wants to publish it or anyone who will read it, but I plan on sending it to
Oprah and once she names it as the “must read” for her book club, my life will be changed for ever.
Anyway, some people that will be in the Olsen’s book are: shoe guru Christian Louboutin, actress Lauren Hutton, photographer Terry Richardson and writer Bob Colacello. The book titled, Influence” will be out in the Fall. If you’ve ever dreamed of having an Olsen or two sitting on your coffee table, now’s your chance!
Oh and, by the way, my book will be called, “The One Where Michelle Fell Off the Horse and Lost Her Memory.” Catchy.
Feb
06
Walk with IBBB down memory lane and relive what he was writing about this time last year. It’s my most favorite lazy Friday segment. Walk with me. Read with me. Share with me.
What has Tyra started!?! It seems like everywhere I turn there is another celebrity that has the official Tyra Banks hairdo. It’s even crept its way into poor little Suri Cruise and her den mother, Tom Cruise. I don’t understand it. Maybe I’m not supposed to understand it. Maybe it’s just over my head. Regardless I’m tired of seeing all these Tyrabots roaming the streets and on the cover of magazines. It starts with the Tyra cut and then next thing you everyone is “smiling with their eyes” and “acting hoochie, but making it fashion.” What will become of Tyra? Will she just disappear into a crowd of bangs? Wait, is that her plan? And, more importantly, why is everyone ashamed of their foreheads? They’ll get out of a limo airing out their “gentleman greeter” while the paparazzi snaps pictures of it, but they’re careful to cover up their foreheads. Unless they have vagina’s on their forehead there really is no reason to cover it. Let it breathe! Air it out! Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, Tyra please stop mass producing Tyrabots. Thanks.
Jan
16
Happy Friday. Let’s take a look into what IBBB was blogging about this time last year….
Nooooooooooo! God why?!?! Why do you always take the good ones from us? She had so much more to give. She had so much more to live for. She had so many more cliche one liners to give. She still had so much sass left in her. Why God, why?
As you all know by now and many many many many of you had sent me emails informing me that
Lauren Conrad and
Whitney Port (bonus points for use of their real last names) will no longer be working for Teen Vogue. While on the surface that doesn’t seem so bad when you think about who will suffer the most, your mind should immediately think of Lisa Loveless. Oh my dear Lisa. Oh my dear dear Lisa. Tsk tsk tsk. What a world, huh? While “
The Hills” will be continuing on for another season we are very likely to not see Lisa Loveless ever ever ever again. It seems so final, doesn’t it? If you are a reader of IBBB, you know my unhealthy obsession with Lisa Loveless. Damn you Teen Vogue. Damn you!
I will miss Lisa Loveless with all my blackened heart. Hell, even my vodka soaked liver will miss her. Lisa brought me, as I’m sure many of you, 100% unconditional happiness in every scene that she was in. She made Lauren appear to be retarded, she gave Whitney self confidence, and she gave hope to a generation of reality show loser viewers (like myself).
I believe I’m still in shock right now. I’ve read that this is a normal phase in the grieving process. I will soon be in denial, followed by anger, sadness, and acceptance. Although I will never fully accept that Lisa Loveless is gone. Never. I will write a letter to MTV and demand she is given her own show. Ok, I won’t actually write this, but I will think of the letter in my head and will one day say, “Wow, I should have actually written and sent it.” Oh Lisa. My little little Lisa. I will always keep you in my heart, always. I will remember you. Will you remember me? Don’t let your life pass you by. Weep not for the memories.
Lisa Loveless
(2006 – 2007)
“You’ll Always Be Known As the Girl Who Never Went to Paris”
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
Dec
19
Happy Friday. Let’s take a look into what IBBB was blogging about this time last year….
Ah Terri Irwin. Terri, Terri, Terri. What’s going on? You good? Similar to a school boy trying to hide an “issue” with his math book, Terri is hiding a bit of her jungle outback
cameltoe. Sure the jungle and the outback are two separate locations, but I don’t care. Regardless and/or irregardless, a little jungle outback
cameltoe is peeking out from behind that book. Therefore, it’s time to play everyones favorite game, “The ImBringingBloggingBack Celebrity
Cameltoe Rating System…to the Stars!” I am awarding Terri Irwin 1 out of 5 camels. If only she was holding that book a little higher she would have been good for at least 2 camels. Maybe next time, Terri.
I am also awarding Terri one Koala Bear, as she is sporting some high waisted Mom Jeans and looking as sexy as all get out. Is Terri Irwin the new Marge Simpson? Does she have anything else to wear? I always see her with that same sexy khaki shirt on. We get it. Now put on something to highlight your rack. Also, it may be time to retire the stonewashed jeans. Take some scissors on that bowl-cut mullet and stop with the bench press for Christ sakes. Now get your ass back on the market. I hear Walter Cronkite is looking for someone. Give him a buzz.
Oh, and you’re welcome.
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
Happy Friday. Let’s take a look into what IBBB was blogging about this time last year….
Happy Friday. Let’s take a look into what IBBB was blogging about this time last year….
