More Mindless Stories on ‘this time last year’
12
This Time Last Year: I Had a Plan
It’s time for your favorite “lazy Friday” segment, “This Time Last Year.” Basically, I post what I was blogging about this time last year. Catchy title. Anyway, here’s what was blogged about in regards to a timeless picture I’d like used in the unlikely event I go missing….this time last year…
Dear Loyal and Bipolar Readers,
I’ve been thinking. I’ve decided that in the unlikely event I were to ever go missing, or a boat I’m on flips over, or I get kidnapped by Kelly Cutrone, or I pull an Amelia Earhart, or I get locked in a trunk, or I get tossed off a cruise ship, etc I would please like someone to use the above picture that I drew of myself to send to the news outlets, online sources, and tacked onto telephone poles throughout your city.
This is all quite simple, you see. This photo that I’ve created is timeless. It’s simple. Sure I have olive colored nose and hands, but that’s besides the point. Anyone notice that picture of Chandra Levy that CNN keeps showing? Yeah, it’s like attack of the 90’s. I don’t want that done to me. I don’t want to go missing and have my parents send CNN a picture of me from 6th grade with lasers shooting behind me in the background. The photo I’ve created is much better and when I’m finally found, I won’t be embarrassed. It’s a real win-win. I don’t think there are any holes in this plan. Plus, how much are “the kids” going to love it when that picture is on the back of every milk carton this side of the Mason-Dixon (no idea where that is).
Thank you all, in advance, for your cooperation.
Luke-Warm Regards,
IBBB (both the real and cartoon version)
05
This Time Last Year: The Hills Gang Was Filming in Wonkavision
It’s time for your favorite “lazy Friday” segment, “This Time Last Year.” Basically, I post what I was blogging about this time last year. Catchy title. Anyway, here’s what was blogged about in regards to The Hills gang filming scenes for the show…this time last year.
Oompa Loompa Doopity Do
I’ve got 3 Talentless Skanks For You.
Oompa Loompa Doopity Da,
Follow the Script and You Will Go Far.
What Do You Get With The Hills Season 5
Eating and Stares and Eye Rolls and Sighs.
None of These Girls Have 1 Ounce of Fat,
Speaking of Which, Where is Stephanie Pratt?
I Don’t Like the Look of It.
Oompa Loompa Doopity Do
So Very Soon We’ll See Season 5 Too.
IBBB Will Live in Happiness, Won’t You?
Like the Oompa Loompa Doopity Do!
26
This Time Last Year: It’s a Suriful Life
It’s time for your favorite “lazy Friday” segment, “This Time Last Year.” Basically, I post what I was blogging about this time last year. Catchy title. Anyway, here’s what was blogged about in regards to Suri Claus being better than your dumb kid…this time last year.
Oh so she gets to dress like a princess and share a special made-up handshake with both Mickey and Minnie Mouse? Eh, life must be tough. I bet Suri Claus didn’t even have to wait in line like the rest of the 45,391 kids who don’t even get to shake Mickey’s hand let alone look at him. I bet some 250 pound bodyguard stood over her with a golf-sized umbrella so that the sun didn’t make her too hot or have to squint. Yeah, life’s a challenge. Look at the way she’s looking into the camera with that mocking “I’m better than you” look in her eyes. You’ll pay, Suri Claus, you’ll pay!
19
This Time Last Year: My Little Olsen
It’s time for your favorite “lazy Friday” segment, “This Time Last Year.” Basically, I post what I was blogging about this time last year. Catchy title. Anyway, here’s what was blogged about in regards to my little elderly Olsen….this time last year….
I’m going to be in very big trouble, mister, for saying this, but I think my little Olsen is starting to go grey. I’m noticing a little skunk patch on the top of the indistinguishable Olsen. If you recall, Michelle Elizabeth Tanner lost her shiz when she was turning 5 and Danny Tanner and crew weren’t going to update her baby book anymore. Next thing you know, skank-bag Aunt Becky goes into labor with those horrible twins (Nikki and Alex) and they practically ruin Michelle’s 5th birthday. How rude! Sometimes I forget what I’m even writing when I get into “Full House” mode, but I beam with pride when I can remember intimate details of the episode in question.
Anytroll, Mary-Michelle-Ashley-Kate-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen attended the Film Independent Spirit Awards over the weekend (for some reason) and even presented an award. I’m almost certain the award category she presented was, “Best Way to Lose Weight By Not Eating for 3 Days and Exercising Like Crazy In Order to Fit Into a Bathing Suit for Kathy Santone’s Pool Party.” The winner, of course, was Donna Jo Tanner. She thanked her “chipmunk cheeks.” It was a touching moment.
12
This Time Last Year: Lohan Was Still the Same
It’s time for your favorite “lazy Friday” segment, “This Time Last Year.” Basically, I post what I was blogging about this time last year. Catchy title. Anyway, here’s what was blogged about in regards to Lindsay No Pants drudging up the street….this time last year….
Easy, Breezy, Beautiful. Wow! Look who looks all rested and fresh as a Spring morning! Lindsay Lohan looks wonderful. Sure her hair looks like it hasn’t been brushed in 4 weeks and is filled with knots. Sure it looks like she has a black eye. Sure her leggings look like they haven’t been washed in 2 weeks, have cat hair stuck to them, and smell like bowling shoes. Sure it appears that she’s down to the weight of a 5th grader. But she looks great otherwise!
Oh, and you know that Coke is like, “Uh, yeah can you not walk around with our product so much? I mean, we’re all in a recession and could use some help with sales, but you’re not really the demographic that we’re trying to reach.”
P.S –> Bring back Crystal Pepsi!
