More Mindless Stories on ‘the hills’
14
Heidi Calls the Cops on Her Mother Darlene. More Importantly, Who in the Hell is Watching That Damn Horse?
Maybe one of Darlene’s naaaaaaaaaybors is watching her horse. Hey-oh! In breaking news, Heidi Montag and her husband, Steve Sanders, reportedly called the police on Heidi’s mother, Darlene, when she wouldn’t leave their private property. When Heidi spoke with TMZ (go figure) she robotically said, “My mom just showed up to the house unannounced…and after what she did to me on national TV, I have no desire to see her.” Well, uh, no offense Heidi, but after what you did to your face/body I have no desire to see you but guess what? Everywhere I turn there you are…unexpectedly showing up. See how that works? Deal with it.
Heidi later continued moving her Tom Brady-like jaw and said, “Her showing up is completely out of line and psychotic. I’m getting a restraining order against her.” You wanna know what I think is completely out of line? The fact that MTV cameras were not there to capture this mess. I’m sure Heidi and Steve Sanders are using this crazy story as a dangling carrot in front of the producers of The Hills to try and convince them to let them be a part of the series finale, which they are currently being left out of (allegedly).
12
That Salad Doesn’t Have a Fighting Chance
Ugh, that poor salad. The last thing it sees before it will more than likely be vomited out in 35 minutes is Teefs Pats. What a world.
Audrina was out filming more scenes for the final season of The Hills with Raspy Coke Voice (Kristin Cavallari) over the weekend at Toast restaurant in Beverly Hills (90210).
At this point do the camera people just toss their cameras on a tripod and take a nap for the day?
The final (RIP) season of The Hills starts on April 27th @ 10pm on MTV. Be there and be a part of history.
08
Some “Hills” Castmembers Replaced by Robots…Just Like “Small Wonder” Did With Vicki. Worked Then, Works Now.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Do. Not. Get. The. Robots. Wet. They. Will. Combust. I.Do. Not. Compute. Stephanie. Pratt. Beep. Beep. Beep. When. Did. She. Turn. Into. Tits. On. A. Stick? Beep. Beep. Buzzeep.
That’s my best “typing robot” I can possibly do. Trust me, it sounded way better when I was saying it out loud and you totally know I was saying it out loud like a robot….with a meth addiction.
LOser and Sandy Sanders were filming scenes for the final season of The Hills whilst on Melrose in West Hollywood, CA. Spoiler Alert: They go shopping. I hope I didn’t ruin it for you.
You know, with The Hills coming to a crashing end I am worried the least about Lo. I figure she has a college degree and she’s not occupied trying to sell a clothing line, a book, or new chins and “back scoop” procedures. Sadly, she seems like he has a good scripted head on her shoulders. Stephanie Pratt, on the other hand, has been voted “Most Likely to Appear on Dr Drew’s Celebrity Rehab and Dr. Drew’s Sober House After Receiving a 3rd DUI/Shoplifting Charge and Meth Relapse Sugarcoated With an Eating Disorder” by IBBB. Congratulations, Stephanie, my TIVO thanks you!
26
“The Hills” Gets Canceled….as Does My Life.
You know what? I think it’s pretty damn rude that “The Hills” will be ending before the actual world ends. I always assumed it would be a neck and neck (or rack and rack) race to the finish line of world implosion. MTV, who is now officially dead to me, has decided that we’ve all had enough of Heidi Boobs-Bot, Steve Sanders, Teefs Pats, Sandy Sanders, HOlly Ethel Mertz Montag, Justin Bobbysocks, Stacie the Pointless Bartender, Raspy Coke Voice Cavallari, Billy from “Who’s the Boss,” Frankie “I’ll Be a Real Cast-member Some Day” Delgado, Broady Jenner, etc, etc, etc.
Well you know what? I’m not ready yet. I’m not. Sure the new season starts up on April 27th at 10pm, but I’m not giving up without a fight. Can’t we at least do a spin-off with Darlene Montag and that damn horse from Crested Butte? Maybe call it “The Buttes?”
You know, I can’t remember when they were not there, when I didn’t care for anyone but Audrina’s boobs. I swear we’ve been through everything there is, can’t image living without The Hills, can’t imagine anyone Kristin Cavallari wouldn’t do. Through the years, they’ve always let me down, they turned my life around, the lamest days I found, I found with them. I’ve always been afraid, I almost wish The Hills was never made, but I’m so glad I’ve stayed, right here with you, through the yeaaaaarrrrs!
19
Watching Them Film Scenes For “The Hills” is More Interesting Than Actually Watching “The Hills”
Teefs Pats, Raspy Coke Voice, and Boobs-Bot all were recently spotted at Villa Blanca restaurant in Beverly Hills, CA the other day filming new and exciting scenes for the upcoming season of “The Hills.” Well, they were filming scenes. The “excitement” part lies within the rack of Teefs Pats. I have a feeling this is pretty much what the dialogue was like:
Heidi: “Oh my God! Uh-Drina, Kristen? I didn’t know you guys were going to be here!”
Audrina: “Hey Heidi. Justin Bobby. Justin Bobby. Justin Bobby. Justin Bobby? Justin Bobby. And, Justin Bobby.”
Kristin: “Ohmygod, like, whatever-and-like-so-over-it. Dude, so done dude. Audrina. Dude, so like, Audrina. Heidi can you believe Audrina and dude so done. Justin Bobby? Ha, right! Later dude and Audrina whatever, so dude, what.”
Then the director yelled “cut” and everyone got handed their paycheck, except Heidi who now requires two current valid forms of identification in order to collect her check.
